Teacher Jokes

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom The teacher said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.'The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'   He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.' So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand…

Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions.... Teacher-If 1000 Kgs= Ton. Then! For 3000 Kgs =How Much? Student - Ton!Ton!Ton!

In little Jonny's class, the teacher would hand out jelly babies to who ever answers correctly, but Jonny never got any right. One day he decided to buy some Jelly babies on the way to school. There wasn't any left in the shop so he bought Malteasers instead. That day, he was doing great! Answering every question correct, earning himself many jelly babies. When he did, he would stuff his Malteasers into his pocket. As he stuffed them into his pocket, one fell out and rolled to the front of the c…

A guy named John was sitting in the back of his French class... As usual for John, he wasn't doing his work and was drifting off to sleep. His teacher saw this every day, but generally ignored him. So, as the semester goes by, John does the same thing every day. Then, on one of the last days of the semester, Mrs.Meyers, the French teacher, says to him: ""John, you have been in my class for nearly a semester and yet you have done no work. You are certain to fail my class and you seem to not care …

At school today, the teacher pointed to me with a ruler, The teacher said ""There is in idiot at the end of this ruler!"" So i asked ""Which end?""

The preschool teacher says, ""We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, ""Me me me!"" The teacher says, ""Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, ""The sky is definitely blue."" ""That's good, Mary,"" says the teacher, ""but the sky can also be gray or white."" Sam raises his hand and states, ""Grass is definitely green."" The teacher says, ""That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."" Little Johnny raises …

Teacher asks a question Teacher: ""whoever answers my next question can go home"" Jimmy throws his bag out the window Teacher: ""who just threw that?"" Jimmy: ""that was me""

So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. I said 70. I know you were expecting a joke, but I want to pass my exams.

One Day, All the Children in Ms. Jennifer's Class Were Learning About Politics Ms. Jennifer began the lesson, ""We'll start with the liberal party. Liberals believe in equality for all and that everything should be fair."" Now, this sounded pretty grand to all the first graders, so when Ms. Jennifer asked, ""Which of you are Liberals like me?"" The result was nearly unanimous! After all, the teacher must be right, right? That was what the entire class thought, anyhow. The entire class, except li…

So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, ""I do."" is not the correct answer.

Student: In 2016 people would jump in front of trains for a cause they considered worth fighting for. Teacher: Eh, no. Those weren't trains, they were *bandwagons*, and they didn't jump in *front* of them either.

What do you call a Jamaican teacher at Hogwarts? De mentor.

A kindergarten teacher asked her students what part of the body grew 10x its size when stimulated. All of the students stayed quiet until Little Susie stood up and said, ""I'm going to tell my mommy and daddy what you're teaching us!"" The teacher didn't answer her and asked the class again, ""What part of the body grows 10 times its size when stimulated?"" Little Susie began to turn red in the face and said, ""My parents are going to tell the principal and have you fired!"" Again, the teacher i…

Something Exciting The third-grade class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Davey, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Davey walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat ba…

Teacher: Where is the English Channel? Student: I don't know, my tv doesn't pick it up

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, ""Why is that, Angus""

The trouble with Harry What Starts with F and ends with K? A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ""Harry, what's your problem?"" Harry answered, ""I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"" Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situ…

A history professor was given a boring lecture about Russian dictators Finally, an exasperated student exclaimed,""stop, you're putin me to sleep""

One day in a well known university, a senior psychology professor started his class on a very serious topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name. As usual and as expected no one answered. The professor peacefully kept the pen in his pocket and picked up his bag. Saying that, the lecture ends here and that was enough for the day, he started moving towards the gate of the class. Students were overjo…

My professor really snapped yesterday, went all crazy on the blackboard during math lecture He really did a number on it. Its days are numbered now. Edit: grammar

A teacher was helping one of her pupils put on his boots... He had asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were. Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as, …

My professor asked me to give an example of a word whose definition got reversed. I literally had no answer.

Skipping School Grandpa: ""Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"" Boy: ""No you go hide. I told her you were dead!""

Teacher: Megan, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Megan: You said we had to do it without tables!

Mrs. A was my favorite teacher in grade school. She was by far the nicest of all of the staph at school.