Teacher Jokes

What's your name?"", asked the teacher. ""Mohammad,"" he replied. ""You're in Ireland now,"" replied the teacher, ""So from now on you will be known as Mike."" Mohammad returned home after school. ""How was your day, Mohammad?"", his mother asked. ""My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike"". ""Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"" And his mother beat the shit out of him. Then she called his fat…

I got high during detention today. The teacher made me do lines.

I met one of my beautiful Maths teacher yesterday We greeted and she asked me directions to the State Bank of India. I told her make a 299 degrees turn and walk for 290 meters, then subtend the angle of X using Pythagoras Theorem and round it up to the nearest degree using tan . From that point, draw a parabolic curve and walk 342 meters on its major axis and bisect the straight road at an obtuse angle. That's where the bank is. Let her feel what I felt when I was in school

A first grade class comes in from recess. The teacher asks Emily, ""What did you do at recess?"" Emily says, ""I played in the sand box."" The teacher says, ""That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."" She does and gets a cookie. Next the teacher asks James what he did at recess. James says, ""I played with Emily in the sand box."" The teacher says, ""Good. If you write 'box' correctly on blackboard, I'll give you a fresh-baked…

My music teacher told me to stay on key I said ""pitch please""

I was in English class today... I was in English class today, so the teacher told me that I need to write a essay, a couple hours later she was telling me off for my bad spelling...I thought ""man..what a grammar nazi""

First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, ""In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."" For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the c…

I grew up in a farm. Once I had to take a cow to be inseminated on a school day. My teacher didn't really appreciate this and asked why my dad didn't do it himself. I told her that we only get calves with a bull.

My professor accused me of plagiarism His words, not mine.

Mistress or Wife? Three professors are discussing whether it's better to have a wife or a mistress. The French professor insists it's better to have a mistress: ""It's more exciting; your life is always passionate, full of romance!"" The Philosophy professor disagrees: ""No, it's much better to have a wife. Your love grows deep, you live with your best friend, and there are few unpleasant surprises."" The Math professor listens to them for a while, then says, ""Actually, if you ask me, it's best…

Little Johnny A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, ""Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?"" ""No,"" said Little Johnny knowledgeably. ""It's just like with Santa Claus. I know it's really my dad.""

An algebra teacher had just finished his lecture when he saw a female student... She had stayed behind after everyone else had left, furiously working away at proof exercises. The teacher walked up to her and said, ""Why are you working so hard?"" She looked up and responded: ""Harry Styles will marry me if and only if I finish top of my class."" The teacher looked bemused. ""How can you make such a claim?"" The student's face lit up. ""Well"", she said, ""let's say that I DO finish top of my cl…

A group of engineering teachers get on a plane... After everyone settle to their seats, the captain starts speaking: ""Hello everyone, this is the captain speaking. I want you to all know that this plane was built by your students!"". After hearing this, all the teachers started running off the plane and refused to fly, except one. The last teacher staying comfortable in his seat was asked why was he so calm, to which he replies: ""I have full confidence in my students, if they really built this…

3 great kings Teacher: ""Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happpines and peace into people lives?"" Student: "" Smo-king"", Drin-king and Fuc-king""

So I got these shoes from my drug dealer... I don't know what he laced it with but I have been tripping all day. s/o to my professor for telling this joke to me today and giving me a good laugh.

An astronomy teacher prepared two boxes filled with joke cards. The first box was designed with asteroids and the second one with comets. He then let one of this students pick a box... The student picked the one designed with asteroids. He pick one card and read the joke out loud to the class. The class, however, doesn't find the joke funny. Seeing this, the professor made the student pick another card on the same box. Same thing happened. The confused student look at his teacher and said, ""Sir…

Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ... The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment. The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's. The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush stroke but realizes, to his horror, that he completely forgot what Hungary's flag looks like. He tries desperately to remember, but …

The British at University A famous scientist, Arnold Nijmegen, was on his way to a lecture in yet another university, this one in Aberdeen, Scotland, when his chauffeur offered an idea. 'Tell you what, sir, I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off.' 'Sounds great,' the Nijmegen responded. When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled into the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the spe…

The music teacher at the school my niece goes to was out sick 2 days last week. The school had a dog fill in for her. He was a sub woofer.

How do you make sourdough bread not sour? You use dill dough... Terrible joke, but it was hilarious because my AP physics teacher told the class this joke years ago. He said ""Want to hear a joke that doesn't make sense, but it's still funny?""

SCHOOL JOKES,Teacher and student Teacher: ""If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"" Johnny: ""Seven."" Teacher: ""No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"" Johnny: ""Seven."" Teacher: ""Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"" Johnny: ""Six."" Teacher: ""Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another …

Teacher to Student...? Conjugate the verb ""to walk"" in simple present. The student: I walk. You walk .... The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please. The student: I run. You run ...

Yesterday, my computer science teacher was teaching us about for-loops... ... he said it was a *for n* concept.

A boy and a girl were in church. The teacher was asking them questions. ""Who is the central figure of christianity?"" She asks. The boy poked the girl with a sharp pencil to be funny. ""Jesus Christ!"" The girl yelled. ""Very good. Now who who created life on earth?"" She asked. The boy poked her again. ""God!"" The girl yelled, even louder this time. ""Wow! You know your facts! But how about this one. What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 22nd baby?"" AGAIN, the boy poked her with the …

A teacher asks a student a Maths question... 'Okay Jimmy' says the teacher. 'If I have 50 bars of chocolate and someone gives me another 50 bars of chocolate and I eat 40 bars of chocolate what do I have?' 'Diabetes' replies Jimmy.