Emily Jokes

"john could tell that emily was getting tired of him narrating their date"

Please don't ruin Breaking Bad for me... I'm only at the part where A texts Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily

A first grade class comes in from recess. The teacher asks Emily, ""What did you do at recess?"" Emily says, ""I played in the sand box."" The teacher says, ""That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."" She does and gets a cookie. Next the teacher asks James what he did at recess. James says, ""I played with Emily in the sand box."" The teacher says, ""Good. If you write 'box' correctly on blackboard, I'll give you a fresh-baked…

Don't step on the pink cloud Three friends, Sarah, Emily, and Rachel were in a terrible car accident and died. They ended up at the gates of heaven. There was an angel standing there waiting to welcome them, and at the end of his welcome speech, he warned ""no matter what you do, don't ever step on the pink cloud"". Thus, the three friends went their separate ways. A year later, they decided to meet and catch up. Sarah said that she would be coming with her new husband she met in heaven. The mom…

Free Tickets to the US Open My buddy gave me two tickets to the US Open but I realized I am getting married that day. If anyone wants to take my place, the wedding is at St. Paul's Church and her name is Emily

New Baby Sibling When a woman discovered that she was pregnant, her four-year-old son overheard his parents' conversation. He didn't say anything until a week later when a family friend asked him if he was excited about the prospect of a new brother or sister. ""Yes,"" said the boy, ""and I know what we're going to name it. If it's a girl, we're going to call her Emily, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."" [Source](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=122…

A blond walks in for a job interview... She is kind of hot and the boss thinks of hiring her without the formalities. But decides to just ask her a few simple questions anyhow. "Could you tell me how old you are?" The blond starts to count on her fingers until she reaches 19. "19," she replies with a smile. The boss is taken aback and decides to ask an other simple question. "Could you tell me how tall you are?" she goes into her bag and pulls out a tape measure, sticks it under her shoe and…

Funeral Emily died last week after she fell in the lake. It's a shame she never learned how to swim. We brought a life preserver to her funeral. It's what she would have wanted.

Sunday School A girl named Emily is sitting in Sunday school, but she just can not stay awake. She falls asleep and the class continues. The teacher asks the class "who died on the cross?" A boy behind Emily sees that she is sleeping and pokes her in the back with a pencil. She yelps out "JESUS CHRIST" "Correct" says the teacher. Emily falls back asleep and the class continues on. Next the teacher asks the class "Who created heaven and earth?" The boy pokes Emily again and she yelps out…

Little Johnny comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played football and then he proposed to his friend Emily. His parents think this is really sweet and they don't want to make fun of Little Johnny so they ask him, 'How are you both going to pay for the expenses of being married?' 'Well with the £5 I get each week from you and the 50p she gets from her Mum and Dad, we should do okay.' His father says, "That's f…

One night, a husband murmured in his sleep, "Oh, Emily, you're the one that got away." The wife, wide awake beside him, bolted up and exclaimed, "Emily? Who is Emily?" The husband, still in the depths of slumber, muttered, "Emily, your laughter is the melody of my heart." The wife, now fully awake and boiling with anger, shook him vigorously and demanded, "I demand to know who this Emily is!" The husband, startled awake, looked at his wife with a mix of confusion and panic and th…

A first grade class comes in from recess. The teacher asks Emily

Sunday School A girl named Emily is sitting in Sunday school

Funeral Emily died last week after she fell in the lake.

Little Emily, the minister’s daughter, ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break. “What’s wrong, dear?” asked the pastor. “My doll! Billy broke it!” she sobbed. “How did he break it, Emily?” “I hit him over the head with it.”

Emily caught her husband Derek searching high and low all around his living room. Emily : “What are you searching for?” Derek : “Hidden camera!” Emily : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?” Derek: “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”

Kevin had just proposed to his girl friend, Emily. He asked her father for her hand in marriage. “Do you think you can earn enough to support a family?” the old man questioned. “Yes sir, I am sure I can” replied Kevin confidently. “Think and tell me carefully young man. We are 12 in number!” the old man warned.