Suzie Jokes

Little kid in sunday school the teacher is asking the 5 year olds questions, and asks one specific question to little Suzie; ""And why is it important for us to be quiet when we're listening to the sermon, Suzie?"" To which she replied, ""because the old people are sleeping.""

It's contagious A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. ""Carl,"" she says. Carl says, ""My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious."" ""Very good,"" says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, ""The atmosphere was contagious."" The teacher says, ""Excellent, Suzie!"" Then she notices that littl…

A teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ""beautiful"" in the same sentence twice. One day, during grammar lessons, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ""beautiful"" in the same sentence twice.   First, she called on Suzie, who responded with, ""My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."" ""Very good, Suzie,"" replied the teacher. She then called on John. ''My mommy planned a beautiful ba…

A kid shows up to class with $2,467... The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Suzie led off: ""I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"" she said proudly, ""My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."" ""Very good,"" said the teacher. Little Vicky was next: ""I sold magazines,"" she said, ""I m…

There once was a man with a wooden eye. He was in high school and high school can be a cruel place for anyone who is different so he had a bit of a rough go of things. People were always making fun of him and his parents were too poor to afford anything nicer so he had to kind of just deal with it. He thought his luck would never change until one day a beautiful new student joined his class. She was a little different, she had a cleft lip, but he found her very beautiful and they soon bonded ove…

Little suzie Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? She had no hands Why couldn't little Suzie get up? She had no legs Why didn't anyone help little Suzie? She had no friends Knock knock Who's there? not Suzie

kids play pretend Little Johnny and Suzie were playing on the porch, when the little girl asked, ""Hey, do you wanna get undressed and play Doctor?"" Little Johnny replied, ""That's too old fashioned... spit out your gum and let's play President!

English Class A teacher was at the front of her 1st Grade English class. She points out a girl at the front of the class. She asks ""Suzie, can you use 'Definitely' in a sentence, please?"". Suzie says - ""The sky is definitely blue"". The teacher replies ""The sky can be grey or black, but good try"". Johnny at the back of the class raises his hand. ""Miss, do farts have lumps?"" The teacher was completely baffled replied ""No Johnny, why?"" ""Then I definitely pooped my pants""

Where did Suzie go after the bombing? Everywhere

A simple Southern lad went on a date with an epileptic girl He takes her back to his place and up into his bed. After 3 minutes of lovemaking she goes into an epileptic fit and starts thrashing around the bed. Her arms are thrashing, her legs are quaking, her eyes are rolling back in her head and the young lad, thinking he is doing a great job keeps thrusting. He finishes but his date won't quit thrashing about. He tries to hold her down but she is still moving and its getting worse. Minutes lat…

Why did Suzie fall down the stairs? I pushed her

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, ""When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"" Suzie raised her hand and said, ""I think it's your hands."" ""Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"" Suzie replied, ""Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"" ""What a wonderful answer!"" the Nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, ""Sister, …

Little Johnny knows his pills. Miss Paula is going around the classroom asking if the students know what pills take for what ails them. - Little Suzie, what do you take if you have a headache? Well, miss Paula, my mommy gives me Tylenol when I have a headache. - Good answer. James, what do you take if you have allergies? If I take Allegra, I stop sneezing, so that's what dad gives me. - Little Johnny, what do you take if you have diarrhea? Viagra. - Viagra? Why would you ever take that m…

Little Johnny and the drawing project One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided to pick Suzie first. "I drew a box on the ground!" Proclaimed little Suzie. http://imgur.com/PicyJVo The teacher said it was a great start, and asked the next …

Johnny finally makes it to college... On the first day his psych professor begins a perception exercise by telling the students to close their eyes and feel around for an object, then describe the object and tell her what it is. First she calls on Kyle who says "I feel something big round and bumpy. It's a globe!" The professor says "Good Kyle! I like the way you think. Next she calls on Suzie who says "I feel something flat and coarse. It's paper!" The professor says "Good Suzie! I lik…

Fascinate Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence? Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise. Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try? Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow. Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the end of the word and made it an adjective. I just want to hear the verb "fascinate". Ernie: Yo mama got a blouse with 12 buttons on it...but she so fat, she can only fascinate!

The gift "Brian, what's wrong with you? You've been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!" "Oh Dan", responded Brian "I don't know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!" "Brian, that's horrible!" said Dan putting his arm around Brian. "What type of a gift does she want already?" "Well, right before she closed the door on my face she said to me: Why don't you show me how much y…

A farmer went to a neighbor's... ..., and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" "No sir, he isn't; he went to town." "Well, is your Mother here?" "No sir, she went to town with Dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to bo…

A farmer got in his beat-up old pickup, drove over to the neighbors and knocked on the door... A farmer got in his beat-up old pickup, drove over to the neighbors and knocked on the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your paw home?" the farmer asked. "No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town." "Well," said the man "is your mother here?" "No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No sir, he went…

A man moves across country to a new city. A man moves to a new city and starts a new job. Lunchtime comes around and his coworker asks him to join him. They go to a restaurant down the road, sit down and he orders the Club Sandwich. They get their food after a couple of minutes and talk about work. The man is intrigued - This restaurant is amazing! The decor is beautiful, all the waiting staff is quick and friendly, even the prices are reasonable. The next day he goes there again. He order…

A mom takes her daughter to the doctor The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.” The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Suzie is pregnant. About 4 months would be my guess.” The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! …

The Bard [Long] Suzie was the teacher's pet - A's in every class. One day a stranger stood in front of the lecture hall for her writing course.

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced... “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced... “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” “What makes you say that?” the bartender inquired. “Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnn…