Howard Jokes

KNOCK KNOCK Who's there, Howard, Howard who? Howard you wanna suck these nuts. Also works with: Wendy you wanna suck these nuts Jorge come suck these nuts

Farm Joke A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door ""Is your Dad home?"" ""No sir, he isn't; he went to town."" ""Well, is your Mother here?"" ""No sir, she went to town with Dad."" ""How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"" ""No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."" The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. ""Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all …

farmer & the little boy A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. ""Is your dad or mom home?"" said the farmer. ""No, they went to town."" ""How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"" ""No, he went with Mom and Dad."" The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, ""I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."" "…

Howard and Dale walk into a bar They sit down at the bar and see people scuba diving on the tv. ""So here's a question"" says Howard ""How come scuba divers sit on the side of the boat with their oxygen tanks facing outward, and fall backwards off the boat?"" Dale thought for a minute and then said ""Thats easy, if they fell forward they'd still be in the frigging boat!""

A 120-year old woman wins the lottery but doesn't know yet. Howard is assigned to tell this woman the good news face-to-face on behalf of the lottery company. His manager warns him that the woman is very old and she is likely to have a heart attack and die from hearing such big news. Howard says he will be as gentle as he can with this news. On the way out, his colleagues tell him that the old lady won't be able to handle this news and may die from such a sudden change. He assures them that he w…

Breaking news! The England team has progressed to the knockout stages! Together the Three Lions, [Howard Webb](http://img.fifa.com/images/fwc/2014/referees/prt-3/219733.png) and his 2 assistants, have made the knockout stages! Go England!

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, ""Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."" Forrest respond…

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St. Peter. ""Welcome!"" he says. ""Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."" ""Okay,"" says the blonde. ""Here's your question: name two days of the week that begin with the letter T."" ""That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"" ""Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you anot…

Countryside Perspective A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town," said the boy. "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer. "No, he went with Mom and Dad," the boy answered. The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can…

Hillbilly tries to get into Heaven Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. “Are you ready?” St. Peter asked? Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugged. “Very well. Name two days of the week that begin with ‘T.’” Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg thought and thought. He furrowed his brows and looked at his boots. Finally, hi…

A farmer went to a neighbor's... ..., and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" "No sir, he isn't; he went to town." "Well, is your Mother here?" "No sir, she went to town with Dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to bo…

farmer & the little boy A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No, he went with Mom and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message." "Well," s…

As she lay there dozing next to me.. ..a voice in my head kept saying, "Relax, you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you're a veterinarian.."

A farmer got in his beat-up old pickup, drove over to the neighbors and knocked on the door... A farmer got in his beat-up old pickup, drove over to the neighbors and knocked on the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your paw home?" the farmer asked. "No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town." "Well," said the man "is your mother here?" "No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No sir, he went…

When you're from the farm, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No, he went with Mom and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one…

The Farmer's Daughter A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No, he went with Mom and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message." "Well,…

A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door... A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy “No, they went in to town.” The boy replied “Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked “No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said The farmer stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says “I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for…