Teacher Jokes

Once a teacher said nobody was buying my cool guy act but he dropped his clipboard and there was a drawing of me in sunglasses on it.

"listen up, I'm only going to show you this once!" ~ suicide bomber teacher.

Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves.

teacher: "there are no stupid questions" me: "ya ok but why isnt the plural of moose, meese"

I had a teacher in high school who always assumed we'd give the wrong answer. "What's hotter, green or red peppers?" Green "Nope. Green."

My 6yo daughter's teacher just gave me a "Most Improved Ponytail" award.

Teacher: We're going to need you to work with your daughter on humility. Me: I was never good with weather stuff but I'll give it a shot.

Me: yeah was bingo the name of the dog or the farmer Professor: i meant questions about the exa- holy shit

*Snoop walks into a classroom* Snoop: Tell me about the Big Bong Theory Teacher: It's the Big Bang Theory *Snoops walks out disappointed*

[school teacher job interview] Can I ask you some questions? I don't know CAN you? haha impressive [stands] welcome aboard!

Coworker: Stop Me: collaborate and listen Coworker: Don't Me: you forget about me Coworker: Hey! Me: teacher, leave them kids alone

Ibuprofen is my favorite headache medicine that also sounds like a reggae professor.

Boy and girl in class asked the teacher a question. ""Can kids of our age have kids?"" Teacher replied "" NO Never!!"" Boy said to girl : ""See I told you not to worry!!!!""

Johnny's on a Roll (With his two black balls)(SFW) Ms Wendall was a first grade teacher who had a bit of a morbid sense of humor. One day she said to the class, ""I have an interesting idea. Everyday, I will ask a very hard question and who ever can answer it will get to leave the class early. You can't look up the answer on a smart phone or computer, you just have to know it."" The class is intrigued, so they so they take up. Ms Wendall's offer. By the end of the class, Ms. Wendall asks the fir…

Another joke translated to English from my Uncle. Little ""peter"" was in class when his teacher was talking about fruits, and she brought up the question, ""Which fruits can be sucked on or smothered?"" A boy raised his hand and said, ""An orange!"" The teacher replied, ""yes, correct!"" A girl raised her hand as-well and said, ""A peach, teacher!"" To which the teacher also agreed. Finally, little Peter raised his hand and said, ""A set of PJ's!"" The teacher, confused, said, ""no, you cant su…

A young teacher is teaching vocabulary to her first grade class. She draws an apple on the blackboard and asks, ""can anyone tell me what this is?"" ""That's an ass."" says a student in the back. ""No..."" ""That's definitely an ass."" says another student. After a few similar exchanges the frustrated teacher starts to cry. The principal walks by the classroom and notices the sobbing teacher, walks in, and immediately understood what was going on. ""You rascals!"" he yells, ""I want whoever drew…

A man left a letter for his wife on the dining table The letter read: ""To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset...I shall be home before midnight."" When th…

Tyrone One day in his third grade class, Tyrone asks his teacher if he can go to the bathroom. While he's in the bathroom, peeing, his classmate, Timmy enters and begins peeing in the stall right next to Tyrone. Naturally, he is a little curious, so Tyrone looks over the stall to see if Timmy's wee wee is as big as his. When he gets back to class, he asks the teacher, ""How come my wee wee is so much bigger than Timmy's? Is it because I am black and he is white""? The teacher answers, ""No, Tyro…

It's Career Day at the Elementary School... ...and everyone's dad comes in to give a presentation about their job. The first dad up is a firefighter. Next is a policeman. Then a banker, and so on, until everyone's dad has gone up to talk about their job, except one. ""Where's your father, Bobby?"" the teacher asks. ""He died 2 years ago"" Bobby replies. ""Well, why don't you tell us what he did before he died?"" says the teacher, to which Bobby responds, ""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG…

Mike sat behind Sally... (long) In religion class. Mike hated Sally and did anything he could to annoy her. One day, Sally kept falling asleep in class. Mike thought this is a perfect time to start poking her in the ass with a needle he found. She decided to wait until the teacher asked her a question and then he would wake her up. The teacher's first question was""who created the earth?""Mike stuck the needle in Sally's ass and she woke up screaming "" God Almighty"".Then she fell back asleep. …

Important Punctuation So little Timmy is at school and for show and tell, he drew a dot on the board. The teacher asks him, what's that? Timmy then replies, it's a period! Teacher, what's so special about it that you brought it in for show and tell? Timmy, I don't know, but this morning, my sister said she missed hers. Mommy fainted, Daddy got a heart attack, and the man next door shot himself in the head.

Use 'discount' in a sentence. Teacher: Johnny, please use ""discount"" in a sentence. Johnny: Yes ma'am, ""Does discount as a sentence?""

Yee-haw Emotional extremes The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. ""Just to establish some parameters,"" said the professor to the student from Arkansas, ""What is the opposite of joy?"" ""Sadness,"" said the student. And the opposite of depression?"" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. ""Elation,"" said she. ""And you sir,"" he said to the young man from Texas, ""how about the opposite of woe?"" The Texan replied, ""Sir, I believe that would be …

A teacher I had in high school told me this one. It may better when told out loud rather than read, but it's still funny. A guy wearing nothing but plastic wrap walks into a psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist looks at the man and says, ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts""

A fun joke to tell your friends. This joke is pretty fun to tell, but you need a friend to make it work. You: A class went on a field trip to the zoo. The teacher stopped by the gorilla cage and said ""Can anyone tell me what animal this is?"" the retarded kid raised his hand and said ""It's a gorilla."" Everyone said ""Yay for the little retarded kid!"" They continue and the teacher stops by the flamingos and asks the same question. The retarded kid raised his hand and said ""They're flamingos!…