Teacher Jokes

You know when your teacher is running ten minutes late and it feels like nobody is in charge? That's what Mexico feels like all the time.

Meanwhile, at School: Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Laure- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out" #YouOwnedHimDude

My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen

5-year-old: My teacher said this project needs adult supervision. Me: OK, what do you need me to do? 5-year-old: Go find Mom.

Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Me- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out"

My kid's teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I'm like I do. I'm player 2.

I got sent out of class today at school. The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them?' I replied, "Hello?"

STUDENT: what's it like being drunk? TEACHER: see those 6 desks? A drunk person would see 12. STUDENT: there are only 3 desks.

The year is 2075. A student asks how World War 3 began. The teacher responds with "Well, James Franco and Seth Rogen made a movie..."

Was your teacher drunk when he made your multiple choice test? 1) Yes ) No %) I love you guys M) 8 ) Potato

[guy who named the bedroom gets home] Honey? Our son got in trouble at the learnroom. His teacher called while I was driving in my wheelsbox

"Yeah I just really enjoy playing devil's avocado sometimes" Teacher: devil's advocate? Me [grabbing trident and avocado costume]: no.

ME: my dog ate my homework TEACHER AT MY DOG FOOD CULINARY SCHOOL: that is good

[Classroom in 2064] Student: So how did the war start? Teacher: Well you see, Seth Rogen and James Franco made a movie..

DUMBLEDORE: Who's brought evil into Hogwarts? HARRY: I think it's Malfoy, professor! DARK MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHER: Oh come on

Everyone had that one lesbian gym teacher growing up.

My teacher in first grade said I was stupid for "wanting to be a T-Rex" when I grew up but she died last year so who's the stupid one now?

Happy Teacher's day, Wikipedia.

teacher: are u a visual thinker, auditory thinker, or kinesthetic thinker me: oh im not a thinker

Wolverine: You know what I can't heal? Jean: What Logan? Wolverine: A broken heart *professor x starts laughing from the other room*

[sits son down after he didn't win science fair] son, tomorrow some will call me "hero" others will call me "guy who fought a teacher"

[math teacher] your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you got them all correct [later at home] I think she's on to us, mathmachicken

almost called my teacher "mom," but I caught myself after "mo" and added an "n." I had to pretend I was Jamaican for the rest of the year.

Kylo Ren: I can't read your mind! How are you resisting me?! Rey: Occlumency lessons from Professor Snape.

[reading book report] ME: Beyowulf is the story of a guy that turns into an wolf when he hears Beyonce TEACHER: Wrong. ME: Well, I tried.