Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"

*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school* *teacher walks towards man* "are you expecting a child?" "no thats from all the beer"

Little Johnny : I like the way you think An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, ""If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"" One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, ""None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away."" The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer. Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, ""No, there would be one --the one that the farmer shot."" …

A math teacher went to school drunk... He told the class that they were going to learn derivatives and then proceeded to pass out. He was removed from the school and fired immediately. The lesson? Don't drink and derive