Teacher Jokes

If I had the power to control people's minds like Professor Xavier I'd probably just make them get me snacks.

In 4th grade i pegged my gym teacher in the butt with a dodgeball then pretended to tie my shoes as he turned around. they were velcro

I don't appreciate my son's teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.

"Hey mom, I talked to my teacher after school and she says 'hump day' isn't a real holiday... She also asked what you do for a living."

PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher "can i use the bathroom?" "i don't know, CAN you?" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*

If I could be any X-Men I think I'd pick Professor X. Don't really care about the mind-reading stuff I just hate walking.

Wrote "I wanna rock!" on every answer to this Geology test and they made me a tenured professor with a beard and an Indiana Jones hat.

Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.

"And the rest is history." -Lazy history teacher

Hi, I'm a college professor. Years ago I wrote a terrible book no one wanted. Anyway you have to buy it for 80 dollars

My class teacher once said "Write and Practice." Turns out she was right. I practiced on my desk just before I started my exam and it worked

[Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!

My daughter got a sticker from her teacher that said 'resilient tortoise.' I've sent her in with one to give in return, 'patronizing hippo.'

teacher: i'm considering moving the test to next week. you guys down with that? me (too loud): down like the dog at the end of marley & me!

[interrupts history professor] THAT HAPPENED ON MY BIRTHDAY

*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school* *teacher walks towards man* "are you expecting a child?" "no thats from all the beer"

*buying teacher's gifts* 7: Mrs. J said she hates candles. Me: {recalling mountain of homework every night} Pumpkin Spice Candle it is then!

Professor: Today's exam is written. Next week we will do oral Class in unison: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song.

just ran into my high school biology teacher. she said "i figured you'd have cured cancer by now." then i washed bird shit off her tahoe

It's funny how Gina who cheated on me in 9th grade because I was "too much of a prude" is now a Catholic school teacher.

me: if ur soulmate dies before u meet them do u get like a backup soulmate professor: i meant questions about the midterm

[at parent-teacher night] Teacher:*looking at my coffee tumbler* I see you're a coffee enthusiast, too Me: Coffee? Oh...yeah, coffee*wink*

Hello, oh you don't have a ramp I guess, okay well lets talk in the driveway my name is Professor X and I run a school for monster babies

T: Have you done your homework? S: You graded my test? T: No I have other student's stuff to grade S: I have other teacher's homework to do.