Virginia Jokes

I'm driving through a town called Brosville, Virginia. I bet I know what comes next.

I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.

Collage Finals At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an ""A"" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morn…

Three friends attending Duke were taking Chemistry, and were confident that going into the final they had a solid A. They were so confident that the weekend before the final they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time, but were so hung-over that they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until late Monday morning. They rushed to their professor to give their excuses as to why they missed the final. They told him that they wen…

Why is it illegal for a person living in Virginia to be buried in Texas? ...because they're still alive.

A marine biologist in Virginia fell afoul of the law over his dolphins. It seems that all he was able to procure were female dolphins. Without males their interest in participating in the experiments waned. Desperate to satisfy his dolphins, he tried to see if any humans could satisfy their needs, but he was limited by morals clauses prohibiting what was in effect bestiality. Unable to find any men in the great state of Virginia to fill this duty (UVA being on break) he was forced to use a somew…

What if the Super Tuesday results were actual soups? Alabama 53 delegates The Democrats here elevated a classic cream of mushroom, picking mostly Hen of the Woods while the overwhelming majority of Republicans here insisted on drinking the Kool-Aid, even though the beverage is technically not a soup in any way. Arkansas 32 delegates The Republicans were presented with a fountain of hot spring water, in which a small ham was placed. They were very proud of their ingenuity. A consome of edamame …

If a candidate takes Virginia.. it will make his caucus hard.

A tee-shirt idea For tourists in Virginia: ""Congratulations on losing your Virginia-ty""

A Hurricane and a Divorce in Virginia I learned this joke from my chem teacher: What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common? Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

Virginia wolf More like Virginia woof

I once knew a girl called Virginia... We called her Virgin for short, but not for long!

I think it's kinda funny people named their kids after US states... Y'know, names like Carolina, Georgia, Dakota, Virginia, etc. When I have a kid, I'm gonna name him Michigan, just in case some guy named Mitch reincarnates into him.

I have a sister named Virginia... We called her Virgin for short, but not for long!

(real news) In Virginia, a man stole a samurai sword from a store by hiding it in his pants. He later denied having the sword, telling police he *was* just glad to see them.

A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident... A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, ""Doc, what happened to my baby!"" The doctor replied, ""Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother name…

What did Virginia get when she walked into the pet shop? (state joke) A New Hampshire

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Cleveland to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said, ""Hey Luigi, how wassah de treepa?"" Luigi said, ""Everytinga wassah perfecto except for da traina ride down."" ""Whadda you mean, Luigi?"" asked Giovanni."" Well, we boarda da train at Granna Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she packa bigga basket a food. She broughta vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were looking a fo…

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, 'And here's something for you, Diploma.' or 'This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma.' and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, 'Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?' The grandmother replied, 'I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!'

Down in Virginia, the prosecutors brag they could get a grand jury to bring a ham sandwich to trial. In fact, just last week, a banana was actually convicted of murder. It was overturned on appeal.

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! 1. Don't change horses >>>>>>>>>> until they stop running. 2. Strike while t…

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels the rods the wading suits the rowboat the car and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally on the last day of their vacation one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says …

College roommates Two girls, one from Georgia, one from Connecticut, are going to be roommates in college in Virginia. On move-in day, they are unpacking and settling in, when the southern belle asks "So where y'all from?" The northern girl replies with a huff: "Well! I'm from Connecticut, where they teach us not to end a sentence with a preposition!" The Georgian girl responds: "Oh, I apologize! Where y'all from, cunt?"

3 ducks A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain…

normally don't like longer jokes but, this is funny A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read: "Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like for you to send four (4) well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their full formal d…