New Hampshire Jokes

Went to a Trump rally in New Hampshire this week. Hard to describe the vibe, but "what if the Nazis didn't care about fitness?" comes close.

A man walks into a bar. A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, ""You're not from 'round here are ya?"" ""No"" replies the man, ""I'm from New Hampshire."" The bartender looks at him and says, ""Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"" ""I'm a taxidermist,"" says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, ""I mount dead animals."" The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, ""It's OK, boys! He's one of us…

A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says ""You're not from'round here are ya?"" ""No"" replies the, ""I'm from New Hampshire."" The bartender looks at him and says, ""Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"" ""I'm a taxidermist,"" says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, ""I mount dead animals."" The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, ""It's OK, boys! He's one of us!""

Vermont Winters Government surveyors knocked on the door of a man who lived in Vermont near the border between Vermont and New Hampshire and asked if they could enter his land to survey the border. He said no problem. They came back later that day and said ""Sir, we've got some interesting news. You don't live in Vermont- you actually live in New Hampshire!"" The man breathed a huge sigh of relief, and said ""That is fantastic! I was getting sick of those long Vermont winters!""

Hillary and Mandela Poor Hillary was down in the dumps this morning, the campaign is in the doldrums, the pollsters are not being kind, the public is disinterested, and she is way behind in New Hampshire. To top it all off, now she is even having to consider Joe Biden as a potential competitor. Uncle Joe Biden! For crying out loud. So Bill did his best to try to cheer her up this morning, over breakfast. He reminded her of their good acquaintance, Nelson Mandela, who faced even greater hardship …

Topical Jokes for 1/31 The CEO of McDonald's has announced he'll be resigning later this year. It's the first time in history that a McDonald's employee has quit and given more than five seconds notice. The New Hampshire lottery is selling scratch n sniff tickets that smell like bacon. The aroma is there to remind people that if they didn't waste their money on lottery tickets, they could afford to eat bacon. In Alabama, a truck driver caused a mile-long traffic jam when he swerved off the road …

Topical Jokes for 1/24 SkyMall Magazine has filed for bankruptcy. SkyMall blamed the decline in sales on the fact that stupid people have run out of money. Scientists have proved that hearing jokes and the voices of family members helps coma patients wake up faster. One family started doing a comedy show, and the coma patient sprinted out of the hospital. In New Hampshire, four bears died after they overdosed on chocolate bait. Even more tragic, one of the bear's New Year's Resolutions was to ea…

Memorizing the Capitols A man tells his friend, ""I've memorized the capitols of every state."" His friend is suspicious, and asks, ""What's the Capitol of New Hampshire?"" The man laughs. ""That's a trick question. There's two. N and H.""

Old Lenny lived far out in the western mountains of Maine. He had spent all of his 80 years living on the family homestead. One morning, two land surveyors appeared at his doorstep. The first one spoke: ""Now Lenny, we know you is a proud Mainer, but it seems you ain't in Maine at all. We jist finished surveyin' this whole township, and your house is actually on the New Hampshire side of the state line."" ""Wicked decent,"" says old Lenny, ""I'd had enough of them Maine winters anyhow.""

WALKS INTO A BAR... TAXIDERMY A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, ""You're not from 'round here are ya?"" ""No"" replies the man, ""I'm from New Hampshire."" The bartender looks at him and says, ""Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"" ""I'm a taxidermist,"" says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, ""I mount dead animals."" The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, ""It's OK, boys! He's …

What did Virginia get when she walked into the pet shop? (state joke) A New Hampshire

A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan... The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"

Taxidermist walks into a bar... A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!…

A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from'round here are ya?" "No" replies the, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one …

A state surveyor visits a Maine farm. He tells the old farmer that it's been discovered that his farm may actually be in New Hampshire, and not Maine. After several days of surveying, checking and rechecking, the surveyor tells the old farmer "Yep, I was right, your farm is in New Hampshire, not Maine." "Good thing," says the old farmer, "Couldn't take another one of those Maine winters."

A group of geological engineers surveying some land in New England found that in one particular area the border between New Hampshire and Maine had to be changed. They duly informed a farmer that his land was no longer in Maine but was now in New Hampshire. "Thank heaven for that," said the farmer. "I don't think I could take another of these Maine winters."