New England Jokes

According to the New England Journal of Medicine, the blood alcohol level is to be measured in Lohans now

OMG, GODZILLA IS COMING TO ATTACK NEW ENGLAND AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE-oh, he said huge blizzard, not lizard... Carry on then.

So I was telling a blonde about the teams playing the Superbowl this year I explained that the it's going to be the Giants vs. the Patriots. The blonde, seeming to be quick one, replies, ""So the Giants are New York, right?"" ""Correct!"" I say, getting my hopes up, ""And the Patriots are New England"" ""Oh,"" the blonde says, with a hint of confusion, ""I didn't know the NFL was international.""

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy? ""Oh god, a caucus!"" ^^^cuz ^^^he ^^^has ^^^a ^^^new ^^^england ^^^accent

The three undefeated NFL teams remaining are all named after cats. the Carolina Panthers, the Cincinnati Bengals, and the New England Cheet-ahs.

TIL that during the war of 1812, the United States government was so desperate for money, it was considering selling the US Constitution, as well as half of New England to the English Crown. nigga u dumb

Another super bowl joke With just over twenty seconds remaining in Super Bowl 49, and on The New England 1 yard line, Seahawks' Coach Pete Carroll was chewing his gum feverishly when one of his assistants asked ""Coach, you want another stick of gum?"" To which Carroll responded ""No, I'll pass-"" The rest is Super Bowl history!

The weather in New England meant they had to delay the victory parade for the Patriots. They must feel really deflated.

Why did Adrian Peterson beat his son? Because it's easier than beating New England.

On my latest trip through New England I was really impressed with New York City but Boston just blew me away

What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._ A Boston lager. . . . . . I made this up yesterday in the car.

Recently during the heavy rains they have experienced in New England the mail carrier for one neighborhood commeneted on the ""pouring rain."" Well atleast the dew point is coming down!

A little joke from my family's dinner table. My family was talking a few weeks ago, and somehow I brought up the fact that every state in New England has a town or city in it called "Warren". I said that there's a Warren, Vermont, a Warren, Maine, a Warren, Rhode Island. And my brother chimed in "There's also a Warren Ukraine!" I shook my head back and forth, then quietly admitted that I would have been so proud if I came up with that myself

A group of geological engineers surveying some land in New England found that in one particular area the border between New Hampshire and Maine had to be changed. They duly informed a farmer that his land was no longer in Maine but was now in New Hampshire. "Thank heaven for that," said the farmer. "I don't think I could take another of these Maine winters."

There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade. One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits" went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one, he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it …