My wife's a biology teacher... This morning she asked how I wanted my eggs. I told her, ""Ovariesy.""

Had a lot of chemistry with my high-school science teacher.

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions... A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, ""Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?"" And the professor responds, ""That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!""

What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em? Barium.