Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"

*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school* *teacher walks towards man* "are you expecting a child?" "no thats from all the beer"

STUDENT: what's it like being drunk? TEACHER: see those 6 desks? A drunk person would see 12. STUDENT: there are only 3 desks.

Little Johnny : I like the way you think An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, ""If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"" One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, ""None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away."" The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer. Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, ""No, there would be one --the one that the farmer shot."" …