Little Timmy Jokes

Little Timmy always procrastinated his schoolwork A few weeks ago, his teacher assigned the class to write a 10,000 word paper on a great philosopher, but with just 12 hours until the paper was due, Little Timmy had not written a single word. Realizing his predicament, Little Timmy hastily took a pencil out of his drawer and sat down in front of blank paper to begin. Although he knew nothing about philosophy, he knew that if he wanted to finish in time, he'd have to start writing and hope that s…

Little Johnny is in English class... And the teacher calls on the class. ""Who can give me an example of a sentence using the word, 'Definitely'?"" Little Susie raises her hand, ""The sky is definitely blue."" ""Very good,"" replies the teacher, ""but when it's nighttime the sky is black, and when it's raining the sky is grey. Anyone else?"" Little Timmy raises his hand,""Grass is definitely green."" ""Very good,"" the teacher again replies, ""But Kentucky has blue grass and grass turns brown as…

Little Timmy wasn't in school When Little Timmy went to school, his teacher asked him: ""Timmy, for the last 2 days you weren't at school. Why is that""? Timmy got up and replied: ""Well, my family is really poor, and I have only got one pair of underpants, so when they got washed, I had to wait for them to dry, and I can't go to school without underpants! The teacher nods and replies: ""Well, that is an excuse for only one day. Why didn't you come the next day?"" Timmy smiles and proclaims: ""W…

Little Timmy is asked by his teacher "" Timmy how do you spell school?"" Timmy responds "" S K O O L ""..... The teacher says "" that is not correct . It's spelled S C H O O L "". ...... Little Timmy replies "" Well , you asked how I spelled it""

Little Timmy's Dream Little Timmy has been having nightmares. He just dreamt that his grandpa Jack died. The next day he wakes up and his father tells him that grandpa Jack died. Timmy is agitated but thinks it was a coincidence. The next day, he has a dream that his friend Jane dies. He goes to school, and the teacher announces that she is dead. Timmy runs home and tells his dad that he has dreams that come true. He dreamed that grandpa Jack and his friend Jane died and they did. His dad tells …

Little Timmy is at a party when... Little Timmy is at a party when he yells at the top of his voice ""**MOMMY I NEED TO GO POOP!**"" Reluctantly, his mom takes him to the bathroom to help him poop. When he is finished, she tells Timmy ""Next time, quietly say 'I need to whisper' to me."" Later that night, Little Timmy walks over to his parents' room and says ""Mommy I need to whisper."" His mom, tired from the party says ""Go whisper in daddy's ear.""

...Think Smart! Little Timmy decides that he doesn't want to pay attention in class. The teacher, frustrated with Timmy asks him, ""Timmy! If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many ducks are left?"" Timmy says, ""None, obviously!"" The teacher, puzzled, asks ""Why none??"" Timmy says, ""Duh! Because the shot scared them all off!"" The teacher politely says, ""Well.. No, there are two left. But I like the way you're thinking!"" Then little Timmy decides he wants to …

POLITICS! How does that work? One morning the whole family were having breakfast in the kitchen and little Timmy goes to his dad who was watching the morning news on T.V. And asks: Dad? I don't get all this politics stuff... can you explain it to me? The dad completely taken by surprise by the question answer the following: You see me boy, let me simplify it for you. I, because I am the head of the family and Bring the money into the house, I am the president of the house... Your mom, because sh…

Finger Licking Good Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking h…

Catholic School Little Timmy's parents were at a conference with his teachers. Most of his classes were going very well except he seemed to be struggling in math, so they tried and tried to get him the help he needed but nothing seemed to catch on. Eventually his parents decided to put him in a different school all together. A catholic school. A few months went by and his parents decided to have another conference with his teachers to see how he was doing. And to their surprise he was e…

The teacher, Miss Brown, goes to school in a mini-skirt At some point, Little Matt whispers to his friend: 'I saw Miss Brown's thighs!' Miss Brown hears the comment. 'You cheeky brat! Get out of here right now, I don't wanna see you for three days!' A while later, Little Timmy whispers to his friend: 'I saw Miss Brown's ass!' Miss Brown hears that too. 'You should be ashamed of yourself, Timmy! Get out of here at once, I don't wanna see you in school for a week!' As Little Timmy stands …

Old Man Johnson was sitting on his porch... ... When Little Timmy walked past.