Teacher Jokes

An attractive student goes up to her young professor... and she says to him ""I want an A for this semester!"" He says ""No."" She then says ""Please... I will do *anything* to get an A..."" The professor's expression softens. ""Anything...?"" The student nods. The professor says ""So would you like to... study?""

Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework

Are you the new English teacher? Yes I are.

At geography class Little Jon is at school reading his geography book in class. The teacher tries to surprise him: - Where's England, Jon? He proudly answers: - Page 83.

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school... ... When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, ""Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter."" Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, ""Your name has an r after the first letter -- is it Ms. Crunt?""

One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said.. One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, ""Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, ""Apple."" The teacher replied, ""No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. No…

I don't know why everyone is complaining about gender inequality in the film industry . . . Just the other day I saw *several* movies starring women in a variety of roles, such as a teacher, a pizza delivery girl, and a naughty horse trainer.

Nervous of Introducing A teacher called Mrs. Franny, arrived at school on her first day. She met Paddy the school in charge, who greeted her with, ""Good Morning Mrs. Fanny."" Mrs Franny sighed, ""It's not Fanny, it's Franny. Oh God, I hope all the students don't start calling me Mrs. Fanny."" Paddy saw how upset Mrs. Franny was about the mix up with her name, and was determined not to make the mistake again. He led Mrs. Franny down to her classroom, to introduce her to her class. As he did this…

Have you heard about the constipated math teacher? He worked the problem out with a pencil. On a sheet of paper.

My teacher actually said this to us before out computing exam... Pupil: ""Will we be able to use the calculator in the exam?"" Sir: ""No, it will be disabled just like you"" No joke, he actually said that

A teacher walks into a class with a bag full of fruit The teacher then says, ""Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red."" Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, ""Apple."" The teacher replied, ""No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown.…

It's called 'electricity'! Teacher: Name one invention that has made our lives easier. Mary: Computers Teacher: very good Mary! Charlie: Internet Teacher: Excellent! Johnny: Electri'kitty' Teacher: I'm sorry what? Johnny: *loudly* Electri'kitty' Teacher: Johnny, it's called Electricity. Say Electri'city' Johnny: Yes ma'am, electri-electri'kitty' Teacher: I need to talk to your parents **a day later** Dad: what happened? Teacher: your son has a little speech impediment Dad: impossible! There's no…

Pirate joke A teacher is giving a history lesson on pirates. He asks the students a question. ""What is a pirates favorite letter"". A student's excitedly shouts "" R ""! Teacher replys ""You would think it's R but it's the C they love"".

Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today? Son: I just wanted to clear my doubt. I asked her a valid question for which she had no answer, so she took out her frustration by being violent. Dad : What was the question? Son: I asked her why 'bra' is singular when it covers two things & 'panties' plural when it covers only one

The teacher asked her class, ""Who can make a sentence containing 'defense', 'defeat', and 'detail'?"" Little Johnny puts up his hand and says, ""Defeat of de dog went over defense before detail""

The hot coed approaches her professor... She opens up a button on her blouse, tilts down her glasses and says, ""I'd do *anything* to get an A in this class..."" The professor, agitated, says ""**Anything**?"" ""**Anything**"" as she traces her finger down his chest. The professor leans over, and whispers in her ear... ""Study""

Did you hear about the math teacher... ...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard? He really rose to the equation.

A teacher walks up to a Mexican criminal... A teacher walks up to a Mexican criminal and asks him to turn in his essay. The Mexican criminal says ""Me no snitch.""

The neuroscience of counting Scientists recently studied how various parts of the brain affect our ability as humans to count. First they removed the left half of a subject's brain and told him to count to 10. The man said, ""2, 4, 6, 8, 10."" Scientists restored the man's left brain and tried removing the right side of the brain. Again they told him to count to 10. He said, ""1, 3, 5, 7, 9."" For the final phase of the experiment, the scientists temporarily removed the man's entire brain. Again…

Billy asked our Astronomy teacher a simple question today... ""Mrs. North? How big is Uranus?"" Billy was sent to the office...

Kid pulls prank on teachers seat with glue. Teacher dies due to... Asphyxiation.

My ex-teacher left the cheese industry for the same reason he left the teaching industry.. Hated grating.

My chemistry teacher went on a camping trip and died... He was exposed to the elements.

I just found out that I missed a test on stolen flags last week. My teacher had it flagged as missing.

A physics teacher accidentally walks into the psychology classroom on her first day... Whoops wrong sub