Teacher Jokes

My Teacher in 3rd grade My teacher, Ms. Dupree, would walk in the classroom with something behind her back and then would give clues as to what she was hiding and we would have to guess what it was. The first day she said ""I have something round, red, and it has a green leaf on it."" We said ""Its an Apple!"" She replied ""No, it's a Tomato, but I like your imagination!"" The next day she says ""I have something long and yellow."" We say ""A Banana!"" She says ""No, a squash, but I like your im…

Ohhhhh Little Johnny... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ""Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, ""Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"" ""No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!""

Little Johnny was feeling sorry Teacher: ""Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"" *Nobody stands up* Teacher: ""Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"" *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: ""Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"" Little Johnny: ""No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone...""

My yoga teacher is awesome. She really bends over backwards.

The Sign Down The Road Teacher: Why are you late, Hanry? Hanry : Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What dose a sign have to do with your beeing late? Henry : The sign said, ""School Ahead, Go Slow!""

Professor: What is an independent variable? Student: A variable who don't need no man

Student explains 'The Formula for Water' .. Teacher: What is the formula for water? Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

A Hurricane and a Divorce in Virginia I learned this joke from my chem teacher: What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common? Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

If a ""cougar"" is an older woman who is into younger men, what do you call an older woman who is into younger women? a gym teacher

I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion.

Little Johnny in Sunday School A Sunday school teacher think his students might need a refresher on Jesus, so he asks the class, ""Do you know Jesus is?"" Steven raises his hand and says ""Jesus is in Heaven."" Mary answers ""He's in my heart."" Little Johnny raises his hand and jumps up and down and blurts out, ""He's in our bathroom!"" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. ""Well"" Little Johnny says ""every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells…

A teacher keeps on talking. Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Student: A teacher!

A teacher is teaching a school lesson Teacher: Whoever stands up is stupid, and will be expelled from this school! *nobody stands up* Teacher: Any volunteers? *a witty student stands up* Teacher: Johnny, do you really want to get expelled? Johnny: No, I just thought you were kind of lonely standing by yourself.

Religion in a nutshell You and the other students are in a classroom. The teacher uses the same book that no one is even sure that the book is legit. Heck, nobody even knows if the guy who wrote it is even real. The teacher, for every single day, of every single semester, uses the same book but the lesson is basically the teacher reading through the lines, trying to extract some hidden meaning behind them all. When the other classes come together for recess, they argue about which book is right.…

When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, ""Why are you arguing?"" One boy answers, ""We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."" ""You should be ashamed of yourselves,"" said the teacher, ""When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."" The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

What did the HS principal say when he accidentally got a math substitute to fill in for a chemistry teacher? Whoops, wrong sub.

What's a Latin professor's favorite song? Hit the quam

Einstein's chauffeur. When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making. ""I have and idea, boss,"" his chauffeur said. ""I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you.…

A teacher and a student. A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, ""If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"" Johnny says, ""None."" The teacher asks, ""Why?"" Johnny says, ""Because the shot scared them all off."" The teacher says, ""No, two, but I like how you're thinking."" Johnny asks the teacher, ""If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is s…

Why i got a detention?? feeling confused :/ Me: Mum i got a detention today Mum: Why! Me: Well the teacher pointed the ruler at me and said ""at the end of this ruler is a idiot"". Mum: Yeah so Me: I asked what end.

The teacher speaking to a student said, ""Saud, name two pronouns.""

How did the Latino girl get pregnant Her teacher told her to do an essay

TIL that the famous teacher Anne Sullivan once accidentally taught the wrong class after the legitimate teacher couldn't make it and the alternate teacher was late. Whoops, wrong sub

Johnny Assignment The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, …

Awesome Comeback Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?! Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.