Teacher Jokes

what do I get Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.

Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

Little Johnny fails a class test Teacher: Why didnt you study for the test ? Johnny: There was power cut. So no electricity .No light. No study. T: Then why didn't you light a candle ? J : Candle was in the prayer room. T : Why didn't you go and take it ? J: It is forbidden to enter the prayer room without taking a bath . T: Why didn't you take a bath ? J: No water. T: Then why didn't you turn on the motor ( used for pumping in water from the water tank )? J : You Dumbass that's what I told you …

What did you do in the war? USSR, september, 1945. A teacher asks his class what were they doing during the war. Little Masha said she was helping nurses in a hospital, little Boris says he worked in a factory. Little Vova said he was helping artillerists by bringing them shells. Amazed, the teacher asks if the soldiers ever said anything to him. -Yes, they would smile and say ""zer gut, Voldemar!""

In class room . Russia , after the war . Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, "" driver "" , the second ""The Postman ."" I ask a question about the third . He said, "" electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )

Two peanuts were walking down the street.. Peanut 1: ""I can't believe Jerry from accounting earlier"" Peanut 2: ""I know right. Who does he think he is, calling me nuts"" Peanut 1: ""Ah well, we can spread some rumours around the office about him tomorrow."" Peanut 2: ""That makes us seem so salty though"" Peanut 1: ""Who cares? Anyway, could you explain how to file those records again? I didn't quite cashew it"" Peanut 2: ""Well, in a nutshell, it's a simple alpha-numeric system"" Peanut 1: ""…

English Class A teacher was at the front of her 1st Grade English class. She points out a girl at the front of the class. She asks ""Suzie, can you use 'Definitely' in a sentence, please?"". Suzie says - ""The sky is definitely blue"". The teacher replies ""The sky can be grey or black, but good try"". Johnny at the back of the class raises his hand. ""Miss, do farts have lumps?"" The teacher was completely baffled replied ""No Johnny, why?"" ""Then I definitely pooped my pants""

Teacher asks students ... ... if there are any fools in this class please stand up. Nobody stands up . After 10 seconds , little Johnny stands up . Then teacher says , ""aha so you are a fool "". Johnny says , "" ma'am I felt sorry for you standing all alone ... "" :)

Some Tintumon jokes. They are very famous locally. Here are some of them. 1. Interviewer: ""Tell me opposite words.. COOL"" Tintumon: ""Hot"" Interviewer: Girl Tintumon: ""Boy"" Int: ""Good Keep it up"" Tintumon: ""Bad Put it down"" Int: ""Stop It"" Tintumon: ""Start that"" Int: ""Idiot Get Out"" Tintumon: ""Clever Come in"" Int: ""Oh my God"" Tintumon: ""Oh your devil"" Int: ""I rejected You"" Tintumon: ""You appointed Me"" 2. The teacher asks tintumon if he knows his numbers. ""Yes,"" he …

A teacher starts working at a new school. He soon finds out that one of the kids is always being bullied and picked on. Everyone calls this kid ""Manny the Fool"". During one of the breaks he asks some of the students how Manny earned his nickname. The kids laugh and offer a demonstration. They call Manny over and offer him two coins - a quarter and a silver dollar. Without thinking Manny picks the quarter and runs away. The kids all laugh at this and go back to their lessons. Bewildered, the te…

Playing with my Computer So, one of my friends at school was talking about how 98% of men ""play with their right hand"". Right after that another one of my friends says ""I play with my computer"" and we were laughing so hard. The teacher was even wondering what was going on, later in the week I was in a Skype call with him and I referenced it, he then said: Alienware is a good partner.

A first grade teacher asks her students, ""What comes after 69?"" One student responds, ""Mouthwash""

A boy walks up to his teacher with a broken pencil... This has no point.

Buddhist teacher and student are talking over a cup of tea Teacher: Today as I was driving in heavy traffic, I saw a woman running across the road, in-between the cars. She was jaywalking. I knew that, if I ignore her and don't act, I'm leaving the decision to someone else. By choosing not to do anything, I'm leaving the decision to the next driver. I would be responsible for that next drivers actions. The only way I could ensure purity of my conscience is to, at that moment, make a choice. Stud…

Little Johnny's Flashcards One day in kindergarten little Johnny was taking his turn working with letters and pictures on flashcards. The teacher was holding up flash cards with a letter on them and a picture that started with that letter. She held up the first one for little Johnny and he said ""B, buh, bumble bee."" ""Very good,"" the teacher said, before flipping to the next card. Johnny sat for a second before saying, ""Oh, easy. H, huh, house."" The teacher congratulated Johnny again and fl…

Why you shouldn't ask your teacher for red ink One day in class, a teacher told his students, ""Class, please start making your paper in red"" A student , who doesn't have a red pen, asks, ""Sorry sir, but do you have red ink?"" Offended, he replies, ""no, I have white.""

A Teacher in Wales got arrested They found a pencil, a ruler and a geometry set square. Allegedly he was part of the Al-gebra network and purchased ""weapons of math instruction""

Johnny A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, ""If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"" Johnny says, ""None."" The teacher asks, ""Why?"" Johnny says, ""Because the shot scared them all off."" The teacher says, ""No, two, but I like how you're thinking."" Johnny asks the teacher, ""If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cre…

A young boy planted a seed... One day a young boy planted a seed in his backyard in hopes of growing a big, tall tree- maybe to relax or play under once it was tall enough. Each day he went out to water and check on the tree, but to no avail- it didn't seem to be growing. He decided that he would ask his school teacher for help the next day at school. After asking his teacher for help, he was thrilled to go home and try this new technique recommended by his teacher. So he went home and immediate…

Why did the tumblrina quit being a teacher? It wasn't her job to educate people.

A Test WC in college. Three cubicles. Voice from the left: *Peter, professor passed you in philosophy?* Voice from the right: *No, he did not...* Voice from the middle: **And I won't!**

Classroom Jokes It was oral examination in the standard two. The class teacher asked various questions to the students. She asked one boy, Can you tell me a name of an animal that starts with alphabet E'? The boy replied ELEPHANT' Teacher asked him again to name an animal that starts with alphabet T'. The boy replied Two Elephants' Teacher asked him the same question. The boy replied Ten Elephants' Annoyed teacher, asked him name an animal that starts with alphabet M' The boy replied Mother Elep…

A Worm Student tries to pass a test in biology. Student is bad in sciences. His glance is wandering through the audience helpless. Eventually he sees a flower pot. On the flower sits an earthworm. *Herr Professor,* - says the student, - *I bet that I stick this worm into the ground!* Professor takes up the challenge. Student calmly takes the worm, squeezes some glue on it, blows on him - a worm freezes - student gently sticks it into the ground. Herr Professor says: *Well, you've passed the test…

The Teacher and the Student Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

water Water Teacher: What is the formula for water? Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O. l