Teacher Jokes

A little Mexican boy comes home from school one day and says to his grand-father, ""Granddaddy, today my teacher said that Pancho Villa, the bandit used to raid towns around here! Did you ever know him?"" ""Do *I* know Pancho Villa?"" exclaims the man. ""Why, boy, before your father was born, I was riding into town on my horse. Suddenly, from behind the bushes leaped Pancho with his six-guns drawn! He told me to get down off the horse and to give him all my money. Then, he told me to scoop some …

A Teacher tries to get her students to stop counting on their fingers The teacher calls on little Johnny. ""Alright Johnny, put your hands in your pockets. Now, what's 6 plus 4?"" Johnny thinks, looks up to the ceiling, ""Eleven!""

Every day at my 4 PM computer science class that the teacher is late to... ""4:04 teacher not found""

A teacher told Thomas to learn the alphabet. There was a boy named Tom. His teacher told him to learn the first three letters of the alphabet when he went home. He went home and said to his sister "" whats the first letter of the alphabet?"" she said ""shutup!"" because she was on the phone with her boyfriend. His dad was watching darts on the tv and the boy asked ""whats the seccond letter of the alphabet?"" His dad said ""180"" He went to ask his baby sister and said""whats the third letter of…

Test grade A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying ""A dollar per point."" The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

Teacher told me to give her eye contact when I speak with her. So i jabbed my finger in her eye to touch it.

English teacher 01 My english teacher walks into the class furious of the boys in his class for not completing the homwork. In his rage he shouts , I have two daughters .. Both are girls ....

Blueberry Hill A kindergarten teacher is calling in students from recess when she notices several students are missing. A few minutes later, one of the students, a young boy, turns up in the class room. ""Why are you late?"" the teacher asks. ""I was on top of Blueberry Hill"" the boy replies, taking his seat. A few minutes later, another boy shows up. ""Why are you late?"" the teacher asks? ""Sorry, I was on top of Blueberry Hill,"" the boy tells her. Later still, another boy arrives at the cla…

Having a sit down with my advisor I'm due to graduate from college with Classics and Architecture majors soon, so I had a meeting with my professor. We sat down and started to look at my grades. All A's and B's down the list until we hit the class I'd taken 3 times. ""What happened with Greek Myths? Was it the professor?"" ""I don't know, I guess it was just my Achilles elbow.""

Strawberry Hill A boy walks into his class late, and the teacher asks ""Why are you late?"" The boy replies with ""I was on top of Strawberry Hill."" and sits down in his seat. A minute later, another boy walks into the class. ""Why are you late?"" asks the teacher. ""I was on top of Strawberry Hill."" the boy replies and sits down. Another boy walks into the class ""Why are you late?"" ""I was on top of Strawberry Hill."" And takes his seat. A girl walks into the classroom, the teacher says ""L…

In Timmy's art class, the students were learning about visual aids. The art teacher asked ""Now, can anyone tell me what visual aids are?"" Timmy raised his hands and said ""It's what happens when you don't use eye condoms."" [Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/39zrqk/the_multilevel_meta_joke/cs8c5zw)

Grandpa and Kid Jokes Grandpa: kid....see!! Your Teacher is coming... You're better hide..!! You're absent today Kid: Grandpa!!! not me but you!! I told her that ""You Died""

my yoga teacher asked me how flexible I was I told her I couldn't do Monday's.

Report Card Subject: Science God clearly posses a great potential for talent, but his attitude is recalcitrant and his conviction is seriously lacking. He left a project, that had been assigned an eternity ago, until the last week before it was due. Then throwing the piece together in a very haphazard manner and doing nothing on the seventh day; the very day before it was due. When asked why he had not used this time to go over his work and eliminate some of its obvious defects, he became righte…

The Suicide Bomber Teacher said to his student... ""Come here and listen closely, I'm only gonna show you this once""...

Answering school teachers like... Teacher: What is the outside of a tree called? Student:I don't know. Teacher: Bark, my child, bark. Student: Bow, wow, wow.

Funny Jokes 1. Teacher: ""Kids,what does the chicken give you?"" Student: ""Meat!"" Teacher: ""Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"" Student: ""Bacon!"" Teacher: ""Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"" Student: ""Homework!"" 2. A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, ""I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!""

What did one ISIS militant teacher say to their most successful student? You da bomb.

Little Johnny's Teacher Gives the Class a Mother's Day Assignment They were studying the meaning of various phrases. The teacher goes on to explain the meaning of the sentence *""We only have one mother.""* Okay, Little Peter, give me a brief narration that includes the phrase *""we only have one mother.""* Little Peter starts: I was sick in bed with a high fever, and then comes my mom, gives me a glass of warm milk with some aspirin, kisses me in the forehead and I thought *""We only have one m…

Two students are taking an English test It was the last day of the year, a day to make up any tests you missed. Well, for these two students, Jimmy and Johnny, that was an English test. The test was on using ""had"" versus using ""had had"". The students hurriedly took the test, then left the school so they could begin on their summer fun. The teacher began looking over the two tests, and Jimmy, while Johnny had had ""had"", had had ""had had"". ""Had had"" had had a better effect with the teach…

'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!' The teacher asked Jimmy, ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'""

Little Jack did not like it at school In math-class his teacher asked him; ""Tell me, if you have five apples and I ask for one, how many apples do you have then?"" ""Five"", Jack said and gave her a grumpy stare. Sorry if repost, stole and translated it from a party-frotune coockie-looking thing we have in my country. I don't even know what they're called in my language...

On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class. The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves. 'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said. 'Jem and I' responded the teacher. 'No, definitely Pisces' I said.

What does a math teacher say when they leave? calc-U-LATER

Funny teacher responses to ""Can I go to the bathroom?"" Forget the classic ""I don't know, can you?""