Thomas Jokes

People named Thomas, your nickname isn't "Thom" it's Tom. "Thom" thounds sthupid and prethenthiuos.

I wonder what appeared over Thomas Edison's head when he got the idea for the light bulb...

How disturbingly inappropriate would it be if "Thomas the Tank Engine" was set in early-1940s Germany? #ThomasDieKleineLokomotive

My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?

Two guys got lost in the Egyptian desert Both christians, one named John and the other named Thomas. They were starving and about to collapse when they spotted a Mosque, They rushed there for help. The Imam came out and asked for their names, John came up with 'Abdullah' in a panic and Thomas just said his name. The Imam hastily told the patrons to give Thomas food and water. While John had to wait and finish his fast.

Shipwrecked Mime A traveling theater company boards a ship to the Pacific. The ship sinks and three men find themselves in a lifeboat: Francois the mime, Leo the juggler, and Thomas the producer. Leo and Francois have always been best friends, but Francois has lost a lot of blood in the wreck and doesn't have long to live. He makes Leo swear, that once he is dead, his body will be thrown overboard and not be consumed by the others. Francois passes away that night. When Thomas wakes up the next …

I don't know which child you think I don't treat correctly... Jake, Thomas or the fat ugly one?

A teacher told Thomas to learn the alphabet. There was a boy named Tom. His teacher told him to learn the first three letters of the alphabet when he went home. He went home and said to his sister "" whats the first letter of the alphabet?"" she said ""shutup!"" because she was on the phone with her boyfriend. His dad was watching darts on the tv and the boy asked ""whats the seccond letter of the alphabet?"" His dad said ""180"" He went to ask his baby sister and said""whats the third letter of…

Why was the broom late? Because it over swept! (Source: Thomas and Friends - Edward the hero)

Gospel of Andrew: Jesus Chooses the 12 Disciples Jesus summoned His twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every kind of disease and every kind of sickness. Now the names of the twelve apostles are these: The first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; and James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother; Philip and Bartholomew; Matthew the tax collector; James the son of Alphaeus, and Judas Thaddaeus, Simon the Zealot, and Judas…

Classroom Joke For class every student must research a natural disaster. So after everyone gets their topic, the teacher asks them what they chose. ""What did you get, Jimmy?"" ""Hurricanes."" ""What did you get, Thomas?"" ""Earthquakes."" ""What did you get, Karl?"" ""US Congress.""

Father Thomas in NYC Father Thomas having just graduated from seminary in Kansas was assigned to St Patrick's in NYC. When he arrived, he was greeted by the Mother Superior, who told him that Pastor Sean was out> The mother superior suggested that Thomas take a walk around NYC and see the sights. As he's walking down the street a rather scantily dressed young lady walks up to him and says ""$25 for a quickie father"", being rather naive and not wanting to offend her he nods and smiles and say…

What surfs the Internet and goes 'Choo Choo'? Thomas the Search Engine.

Little Johnny is in Sunday School, and little Mary Margaret in the front row pipes up, "Sister Jean, what part of our body gets to heaven first?" And the sister Jean smiles and asks, "Well what do you think, class? What part of your body gets to heaven first?" Tommy raises his hand, "I think it's your hands, 'cuz that's what you pray with." "Oh lovely, Thomas." says sister Jean Then little Mary Margaret chimes in again "I think it's your heart, 'cuz that's where Jesus lives" Sister Jean c…

Bottle Number 43 A new miracle doctor comes to town, who people say could cure anything. John, the local doubting Thomas, decides to prove the doctor a fraud. He goes to the doctor and says: "Hey, doc. I've lost my sense of taste." The doctor thinks a while, scratches his head and tells John: "What you need is bottle number 43." He brings out a bottle and tells John to taste its content. John does, and immediately spits it out."Yuck, gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste," sa…

Have what it takes to become a Monk? Thomas decieded to live his life in service to the Lord. So he went to the nearby monastery to join the Benedictine order of monks there. Thomas was welcomed by Brother John, who gave him a tour of the monastic life. Thomas was excited and eager to join. Brother John laid out the conditions of induction into the order. Before Thomas would be accepted he would need to complete a 3 year probationary period. During this time, Brother John explained, Thomas w…

So there's this barber in a small town... So there's this barber in a small town. One day he's sitting in his barbershop and a man walks in wearing a pair of sandals, and a long brown robe with a hood. The man sits down in the barber's chair. "Excuse me," says the barber. "I was wondering: why are you dressed like that?" "Well," says the man. "I'm a Franciscan friar. I'm here to help my brother Franciscans start a soup kitchen in town." And the barber says, "The Franciscans? Oh, I love the F…

I said this when I was 6, and everyone laughed Two twins came to our house one day, and I kept calling them the wrong names (they were their names, but I said Harry to Thomas and vice-versa) My dad came to me and said 'can't tell them apart, can ya?' 'No dad, I can't tell 'em together!' (Waits for downvotes) Edit: first page with only 7 likes, wow. Edit 2: 200 likes, thank you so much ;-;

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . . and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?" The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie." She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that." The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?" The ghost of Thomas Jefferson resp…

Why aren't you married? Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you …

Some people call their mistakes "happy accidents" But some people get more creative and give them cute little names like Nathan or Thomas, just like my parents did.

Thomas is 38 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked

Why aren't you married? Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked

My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked