Teacher Jokes

LITTLE JOHNNY... GEOMETRY Teacher: ""Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"" Little Johnny: ""A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'""

What couldn't the cross-eyed teacher do?.... Control their pupils

My AP Enviro teacher asked if we had a compost bin in our yards... I replied by saying ""We used to, but it broke down"" I got a lot of blank stares from EVERYONE in the room including the teachers. Am I just being stupid or was that actually good? My friends and I have argued all day over this.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Because he fingered a minor.

An English Teacher turns around to find the new foreign exchange student staying behind after class... Student - Excuse me Ms, can you tell me how to do better my homework please? Teacher - Sure, what is it? Student - I'm having problems with he-here. *Lays his finger on textbook page* Teacher - Ah.. I see. Well, let's say last weekend *I drove*, yeah? And there *was* a campsite on the side of the road- Student - Oh! oh! A-and *I pass* tents? Teacher - Close, *passed* tents.

What is the difference between a teacher and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four...

In preschool, I became friends with a little girl I showed her mine, and she showed me hers. However, a preschool teacher found out about it, and I was fired.

Funny Definition of communication Teacher To Student: What is definition of communication ? Student: I can define only last part of definition. Teacher: Yes Define. Student: and this is called communication.

A football player is about to fail math class An all-star college basketball player is about to fail his math class. If he fails, he can't play in the final game of the year. His coach recognizes the catastrophic impact this will have on the outcome of the game, so he goes to talk to the player's professor. The coach begs the professor to give the student an easy problem on the final exam and the professor agrees. The student walks in and the teacher gives him his final exam orally. ""What is 6 …

Math teacher teaches his students a shortcut ""Is there a shortcut"",asked by a student after the teacher showing all the steps of a math problem. ""Yes"", the teacher answers,""drive westward and turn left then you will see a McDonald's there.""

IN CIDER A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider. ""Why do you want a glass of cider?"" the teacher asks. ""To take away the pain,"" sobs the little girl. ""What do you mean?"" the teacher asks. ""Well,"" sobs the little girl. ""I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider.""

In honor of easter, here's a joke my French teacher put on the board last week. Easter is a bonne idee.

A Russian professor... ...is starting his term at an American university. He is assigned to teach an introductory calculus sequence for freshman. ""What topics should I cover?"", he asks a few colleagues. ""Oh, simple stuff"" they say; ""start off with some facts about the real numbers, move into limits and differentiation, talk about continuity, and if you have some time you can maybe cover a little integration"". The professor is pleased to hear this and rushes to class. The next day, the prof…

Funny school joke Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I'm going home now.

What comes after 69?... Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!

Nerd Joke A joke told by my physics professor when doing map transformations. A physicist and an engineer are in an experiment. They put them in a room with a pot, a sink and a stove and tell them to boil water. The engineer fills the pot, puts it on the stove and boils the water. The physicist does the same. Now they put them in the same room with a full pot of water. The engineer puts the pot on the stove. The physicist spends 15 minutes looking at the pot, dumps the water out and goes, ""NOW …

So I had an exam today... ...luckily I remembered it was April Fools Day and wasn't about to get pranked by my professor. I'm not that gullible!

Comeback to a teacher Teacher: Name all the prime ministers of India Student: I don't know. Teacher: When I was of your age I used to know everything. Student: When you were young there were only one or two prime ministers.

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems.. Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, ""Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"" ""None,"" replied Johnny, ""cause the rest would fly away."" ""Well, the answer is four,"" said the teacher, ""but I like the way you're thinking."" Little Johnny says, ""I have a question for you. If there were three women ea…

I know the kids don't like you and pick on you, but you have to go to school... you're the teacher!

Computer Science major walks into an English class The Professor says ""Welcome to English 101"". The student panicks. ""What's wrong?"" asks the Professor. ""I missed the first 4 English classes"".

Wanna translate one of my favorite Russian joke The teacher gave a task for the class: ""there is 5 birds on a tree branch. A hunter shoot one of them. How many birds left?"". Vova raised his hand: ""zero"", he said, ""cause the rest of them are flew away"". Teacher answers: ""no, the answer is 4. But I like the way you thinking"". Then Vova replied: ""here is another one: three woman walking on the street while eating an ice cream. One of them is biting it, second is licking, and the third both…

Teacher With student.. Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

Courtesy of my ECON professor Two men decide to go fishing on a Saturday. They rent equipment, take off early in the morning and enjoy a relaxing day out on the water. Unfortunately, they only catch one fish apiece. On the ride home, they share their disappointment. The first man says, ""You know, with all the money we spent, these fish cost us about $500 each."" The second man says, ""Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch anymore.""

Great Insults A letter from teacher to parent:Dear parent,Kamal doesn't smel nice in class.Please try to bathe him.Parent answer:Dear teacher,Kamal is not a rose.Don't smell him.Teach him.