Teacher Jokes

A high schooler told his geology teacher that.. ""geology rocks!"" The teacher's response? ""that's Gneiss, but it's too bad you're so schist at it"" #\#rokt

Susie Susie Susie ... Oh A teacher was reviewing her class's homework assignment. She asked Susie to stand up and tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated. Susie stood up, shuffled her feet and said, ""Well, I think I know, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you."" The teacher said, ""Sit down, Susie. Johnny, tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its size when stimulated."" Johnny said, ""That's easy. The pupil…

and the kid got kicked out of class... Student: Teacher, can I get in trouble for something I didnt do? Teacher: of course not, John. That would be silly. Student: Okay good, because I didn't do my homework!

My art teacher told me to draw a Tardis I think im going to fail since I just drew police box.

Cherry lane A student come to school late, shirt all ripped looking scruffy, the teacher asks ""where have you been?"", the student replies up cherry lane. Another student comes in 15 minutes later same condition, shirt all messed up and dirt all over, ""where have you been"" asks the teacher, ""up cherry lane"" replies the student. A girl comes in, hair all messed up and skirt torn, the "" I suppose you've been up cherry lane too?"" Asks the teacher, ""no I am cherry lane!"" Replies the girl.

I just got a 69 on a test.. And the teacher put ""see me after class"" on it... I think I like where this is going ;)

Dictate... A teacher asks the class, ""Can anyone use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?"" One kid responds, ""Hitler was a mean dictator."" The teacher says, ""Very good, but we're not learning the word 'dictator,' just 'dictate'."" Another student pipes up, ""The secretary typed while the boss dictated!"" The teacher says, ""Excellent, but 'dictated' is past tense. I'm looking for someone who can just use the word 'dictate'."" Finally a student in the back stands up and says, ""Hey, baby!! How …

What did the LGBT art teacher tell the kids to use when their projects needed glue ? (wait for it ... wait for it ...) brucilage !!!!!!!!

Science class! I learned that after binge watching breaking bad that I started to act like jesse pinkman. Teacher: can anyone tell me what element was creted in the Golden state? Some kid: Calafornium Me: Science yeah! Science

Teacher:""Okay class, time to take a test. Please take out your no.2 pencils."" *Takes out no.1 pencil* ( )

An English teacher tells a knock knock joke Teacher: Knock Knock Student: Who's there? Teacher: To Student: To who? Teacher: To *whom*

An elementary teacher is talking about animals to her students... Teacher: What does the chicken give you? Kids: Meat! Teacher: Very good. What does the pig give you? Kids: Meat! Teacher: Great! What does the cow give you? Kids: Homework!

A teacher asks two students a grammar problem. The teacher asks the students, James and John, whether in the sentence, ""A man ___ a cold."", ""had"" or ""had had"" was grammatically correct. James, while John had had ""had"", had had ""had had""; ""had had"" had had a better effect on the teacher.

Poor Jimmy... The teacher asked Jimmy, ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'""

3 hopeless idiots taken in by a professor to rehabilitate their profound stupidity. In order for the professor to address their stupidity he wanted to ascertain their level of common sense. So he went about this by drawing a door on the board and asked them respectively (from 'smartest' to dumbest) to open the door that was drawn on the board. Professor: "" student1 come try and open this door"" *student1 taps the board to find any hinges but was not able to find any"" Student1:""i cant find a h…

I can remember my first day at school The teacher looked at me during register and asked, ""Are you chewing?"" I said, ""No, chewing is probably one of the foreign kids, my name is David.""

What starts with ""F"" and ends with ""K""? A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms.. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The pri…

Last night my Professor told me to read Bartleby the Scrivner... I would prefer not to.

What's a math teacher's favorite TV show? Sinefeld

HAPPY BUTT A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, ""Happy Butt."" The teacher says, ""I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."" The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, ""What's your name?"" The little girl says, ""Happy Butt."" The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, ""Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."" The girl exclaims, ""Glad Ass -- …

A Male teacher is asked why he enjoys working with kids He said ""i see myself in them"" Edit: He is a pedophile but no one knows it

Walked in lecture hall mid-lecture and the professor yells ""CAN I HELP YOU?!"" ""No thanks, I'm just browsing.""

My math teacher kept giving easy parabolas and circles until the test day when he gave a large, difficult hyperbola. The long con.

Calculus Joke Courtesy of my math professor: Two mathematicians go to a bar after a rigorous day of number crunching. After a few drinks, the first mathematician begins to lament the current state of the general public's mathematical knowledge. ""People just don't know their calculus anymore!"" ""I don't think that's true,"" replies the second, "" I bet they know more than you think"". ""Let's make it a real bet then,"" says the first, "" I'll bet you $100.00 that if I ask *her* a simple questio…

After watching superman vs batman trailer, my expectation during exam time. Professor : Tell me...do you read ? Me : No Professor : You will