Teacher Jokes

I tried to disrupt my bio teacher today and asked her what her favorite codon was She said stop

I asked my math teacher if he wanted to rent an apartment with me Then he went on some tangent about needing a co-sign.

Funny comeback from a student TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Are you asleep? ''My, God! Dear, What happened to you?! your Left eye is swollen!''- said my teacher as she guide me to the clinic. ''My father and mother cuddle last night, and my father asked if I was awake I said Yes. then he punch my Left eye.'' I said while touching my swollen eyes ''Then, Pretend to be asleep the next time he ask if your asleep, alright?'' said my teacher as we entered the clinic While I was in our Bed i pretend to be asleep and my father asked if I was asleep. I didn't re…

European Its geography day in Mr. Andrew's first grade class. Each student has to stand up and answer questions in front of their peers. Mr. Andrews, who has a very thick southern accent, addresses the first student. ""Beth, would you a-stand up and answer this a-question: what's the a-capital of a-Russia?"" ""Moscow"" she replies. Each student answers their questions until the last student to go is Greg. Greg is notorious for having severe stage fright. ""Alright a-Greg: what do ya call a-someo…

My teacher was impressed with my mediocre computer programming project He gave me a C++!

A teacher was telling his students how striking magnets would make the magnets weaker. Sam, who wasn't paying attention, asked the teacher to explain the concept again. The teacher replied: 'No matter how attractive they are Sam, DON'T BANG THE MAGNETS'.

Little girl is drawing at school one day... Teacher walks over and asks, ""What are you drawing?"" ""A picture of God."" ""But"", says the teacher, ""nobody knows what God looks like."" ""They will in a minute."" *Credit to Sir Ken Robinson*

Doctor asked his patient... A doctor asked his patient: Do you speak when you're sleeping? -No, I speak when the others are sleeping. I'm a teacher.

Little Johnny isn't paying attention in class... So the teacher asks him, ""If there are three birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?"" Johnny replies ""None."" The teacher asks why and Johnny says, ""Because the shot scared them off."" The teacher says, ""The answer is two, but I like how you're thinking."" Johnny then asks the teacher, ""If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biti…

Mike Tyson fires a nuke at his maths teacher. It was a weapon of math destruction. I'm so sorry.

A teacher... Wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him, ""Why did you stand up?"" He answered, ""I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.""

What's an English teacher's favourite cereal? Synonym Grahams

New medical students A group of doctors in training and their teacher are standing in a circle in the lab around a cadaver. The teacher tells his students: ""it's very important that you feel completely at ease with the corpse"", so he puts his finger up the ass of the corpse, takes it out and licks it. ""Your turn now"" he tells his students. And they do it, one after another they all put their finger up the ass of the corpse and lick it. When the last student has done it, the teacher has one f…

Little Tut is having a Hieroglyphics class in Ancient Egypt. The teacher dictates: ""Our Pharaoh, King of the Kings, Son of Ra, strong as a crocodile and manly as.."" And Tut, from the back of the class, asks: -How many balls is ""manly"" spelled with?

Define the lecturer Teacher to Student: Can you define the lecturer? Student: A lecturer is person who has bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping.

A teacher asked a student to write 55. Student asked: How? Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! The student wrote 5 and stopped. teacher: What are you waiting for? student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

An old teacher asked her student... ""If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"" The student replied, ""It is obviously past.""

What is the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says, ""Spit out your gum"" and a train says, ""Choo, Choo, Choo.""

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. ""Who is the creator of the universe?"" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, ""God almighty!"" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, ""Tell me who is our lord and savior?"" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, ""Jesus Christ!"" The teacher …

Rekt em, damn near killed him! Little Johnnie's teacher asked him how his weekend was. ""Horribly, a car hit my dog in the ass,"" he said. She said, ""Rectum."" ""Wrecked him?"" Johnnie said. ""Damn near killed him!""

The fat cow Teacher: Okay children, what does the chicken give you? Children: ""EGGS!!!!"" Teacher: Very good. What about the pig? What does the pig give you? Children: ""BACONS!!!!!"" Teacher: Oh wow, im impressed. What about the fat cow? What does the fat cow give you? Children: ""HOMEWORKS!!!!!""

Law Interpretation Alex failed in the final Law Exam & decided to make a deal with the Professor. Alex: Sir, Can I ask you one question? Professor: Yes. Alex: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you cant, you will have to give me an ""A"" grading. Professor agreed. Alex asked: What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical? Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give The student an answer, and ther…

Teacher My teacher pointed to me with the ruler and said ""There is an idiot at the end of the ruler"" I got suspended for asking which end! :P

A Chinese guy, Japanese guy, and Vietnamese guy are in an English class... Teacher: I want you to create a sentence using the words chicken, nut, and bread. Chinese guy: I would like to buy chicken, nut, bread. Japanese guy: I want to eat the chicken, nut, and bread. Vietnamese guy: I threw my sister in the pool and chicken nut bread.