Teacher Jokes

How small you are in the universe In class there is a sub in class and is talking about how small I am in the universe and I reply ""teacher I'm small in the universe but I know were I'm big""

Geometry Johnny was in class when his teacher asked him to use the word geometry in a sentance. Johnny thought for a moment and then said ok. Once there was an acorn that fell on the ground. Some fell on it and it sprouted. The roots went into the ground and the stock grew upwards. A year passed and the acorn looked around himself and said, Gee, I'm a tree!

I had an awkward moment with my english teacher. Apparently pathetic fallacy has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction.

School assignment One day in elementary school, a young boy was listening to his teacher lecture about English. ""In a word like archaeologist or scientist, the letters i-s-t at the end mean that the words are talking about a person who does something a lot or is really good at it."" Then the students had an assignment. ""On a piece of paper, write down 'I can't wait to become a _______', and fill in the blank with whatever you want to be really good at and do all the time when you grow up."" Al…

The Good Date Potato Pancake Joke Was recently told this joke by my professor. A boy is going on a date. Nervous, he asks the father for tips. The father runs the basics down and stresses one thing. ""Now son, there are only three things you can talk about : Food, Family and Philosophy"". The boy has no reason to doubt his father. He goes round the girl's house and picks her up and they drive to the restaurant. They order food, and say nothing after. It's incredibly awkward. ""So..... Do you lik…

Teacher to Student Why are you looking at the monkey outside the window when I am here. What sentence seemingly appropriate makes you burst into laughter?

Why did the Polar bear struggle in geometry class? Because the teacher was a Cartesian bear.

I've always identified with Professor Calamitous from Jimmy Neutron... But I never bothered to figure out why.

Is a Computer a Male or Female? A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ""House"" for instance, is feminine: ""la casa."" ""Pencil,"" however, is masculine: ""el lapiz."" A student asked, ""What gender is 'computer'?"" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ""computer"" should be a masculine or a feminine…

My calculus professor recently divorced his wife .. .. one day he simply told her ""I'm making a you substitution"".

Chemistry Students will understand An AP Chemistry class is listening to their teacher give a lecture on equilibrium. The class is having trouble understanding how to solve problems using the ICE method. So, the teacher pulls out a huge packet full of ICE questions for them to do as classwork. The class painstakingly works through the packet, hating life a little because of the tediousness. Finally, one of the students yells out ""All this icing, we might as well bake a cake."" Another student r…

A joke my religion teacher told to our class Roses are red, Violets are blue-ish, If it wasn't for Jesus, We all would be Jewish!

A third grade teacher addresses her class ...""alright class"" she says, ""before I let you go for spring break I want to remind you that I'm getting married this weekend and I'm no longer going to be Ms. Stevens I'm going to be Mrs. Prussy"" She writes M R S. P R U S S Y in big cursive letters on the blackboard and says ""whomever remembers my new name when we come back from break gets a gold star for the day"" The ten days comes and goes and she's standing in front of her class early Monday mo…

Good morning class, science is our lesson for today. Teacher: What is science? Student: Me Ma'am! Me! Teacher: Ok Pedro! What is science? Student: science is our Lesson for today.

Little Johnny makes class awkward again Teacher asks kids to come up and draw something that is important in their lives. First kids goes up to the board and draws a firetruck and explains his dad is a firefighter. Next kid goes up and draws a skateboard and explains he loves to skateboard and wants to be like Tony Hawk. Little Johnny goes up to the board and draws a little dot on the board. Teacher asks him what it is. ""It's a period."" Teacher asks why it's important. ""Well, my sister missed…

Two brothers in a village So there were two brothers who lived in a little village with their parents. The older brother had a cat, and what a beautiful cat it was! He loved his cat, absolutely adored it. So one day the older brother's boss told him that he had to go on an assignment to the capital city for the weekend. The older brother would have to give a presentation to some very important people in the company and if he went and did well, he would get a promotion, but if he didn't go, he wo…

The little rascals are having a spelling test. The teacher calls on Buckwheat and gives him the word ""dictate"" buckwheat replies "" dictate, d.i.c.t.a.t.e."" The teacher says very good now use it in a sentence please. He thinks about it for a second then says ""Hey Darla how did my dic tate last night"".

Professor San Holo Prof San Holo was busy at his lab. He was experimenting with splicing genetic material from rams into eggs of bees. With global warming, certain species of flowering plants flourish while others perish. The idea was to give bees the ability to digest leaves and grass to make honey and thereby reduce the need to be reliant on nectar and pollen from flowers. The first splicing was a disaster. The bee digestive system became dysfunctional. The second attempt disrupted the honey p…

The boy with the swollen lip One day, a kid went to school with a swollen lip. When the teacher enters the classroom, she notices the boy's badly hurt lip. ""What happened to your lip, young man?"" She asks him, smiling. ""I was helping my dad in the garden and a bee landed on my lip."" The boy says with difficulty. ""Oh, and it stung your lip, didn't it?"" ""No, but daddy killed it with his shovel.""

Innocent Jimmy And Teacher The teacher asked Jimmy, ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'""

A good 'ole story from my algebra II teacher Mr. Locke (or as some call him MLocke) This will be entirely from the point of view of Mr. Locke; it is not actually me who said this, even though I use the word ""I."" I was just opening the envelope I had received from one of my colleagues. I read the short card inside that said ""please come to my house from a christmas eve party at 9:00."" I went over my schedule in my head to make sure it was free, and sure enough, it was. Christmas eve rolls aro…

Joke of the millennium.. Teacher -""Where is the CAPITAL of out COUNTRY???"" Student -""in Swiss Banks"".. :P :D lolx

English professor An English professor is standing in front of his class giving a lecture on proper punctuation. Professor: ""I've noticed a lot of people using quotation marks for emphasis, and I just wanted to clear this up because it can cause a lot of confusion in certain circumstances."" He puts up a picture on the screen with the words ""What is the sound of one hand clapping?"" above a picture of a man in deep thought. He then puts up a picture with the words ""'What' is the sound of one …

I love you & You love your daughter, Teacher says to student, In Algebra A=B & B=C. It means A=C. Now give relevant example. Student: Sir, I love you & You love your daughter, It means that I love your daughter.i

A very innocent question Son: Dad, I got punished in school today Dad: Why? Son: My teacher pointed the scale at me and said ""At the end of the scale there is an idiot"".... I just asked ""Which End?"" :o