Valentine Jokes

Buys valentine. Writes "I love you" inside. Mails card to self. Receives card in mail. Reads card. "Eww, why do I attract losers?"

My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan's Valentine.

so apparently there is no such thing as a valentine santa and i'm not sure whose lap i just sat on at the mall.

In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said "You're the Obi Wan for me" and that's the highlight of my entire dating experience.

Roses are infrared Violets are infrared I'm hunting you for sport And soon you'll be dead -a valentine from the Predator

If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated.

The Peanut Gallery Somewhere back in the era of grainy black-and-white TV, there was a Saturday kid's show called ""Riddle Griddle."" It was hosted by Jimmy Valentine, who is now in the Minnesota Broadcasting Hall of Fame. The show had bleachers where the kids sat, like the ""Peanut Galleries"" of Mickey Mouse and Howdy Doody. The kids brought a riddle to the show and Valentine, who loved riddles, would try to solve them. If he failed, the kid got some sort of little prize. So, one Saturday, thi…

Valentine man I knew him, you see, This certain young man, And that is why I saw him and ran. In the plan of the ages This tragedy is That I should be An acquaintance of his.

Don't be sad if you don't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day Most people don't have AIDS on World AIDS day either.

My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: ""BE MINE."" The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher. It read: ""Thank you, but it's still BE MINE-US.""

Let's ask ISIS to be our Valentine Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. ""Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,"" she asks, ""Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? Thelma's father thinks a bit then says ""No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"" ""The whole ISIS group,"" she says. ""Why them,"" her father asks in shock? ""Well,"" she …

No Valentine On Valentines Day? Don't worry if you don't have a valentine on valentine's day.. Most people don't even have AIDS on World AIDS day..

Valentine' Day A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ""Love"" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says ""I'm sending out1,000 Valentine cards signed, Guess who?'"" ""But why?"" asks the man. ""I'm a divorce lawy…

Favourite bands After having met Oscar Pistorius and having a few conversations with him, I found him to be quite a pleasant person. He was well mannered and always cracked a joke or two. Then one day I met him on the track and couldn't help notice that he had a beanie with a metallica written on it. A few days went by and the next thing I knew he was in jail charged with the murder of his girlfriend. I was rather astonished. Turns out he was a fan of metalica but deep down he was more of a 'bul…

From my handwriting identification skills. I have carefully deduced that Santa is my secret Valentine every year.

A Joke A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ""Love"" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, ""I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"" ""But why?"" asks the man. ""I'm a divorce la…

You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up.

So I've decided that my Wi-Fi will be my valentine. Idk, we just have this connection.

What do you call a very small valentine? A valentiny.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ''Love'' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. ''I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"" ''But why?'' asks the man. ''I'm a divorce lawyer.""

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ""Love"" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding manand asks him what he is doing. The man says, ""I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"" ""But why?"" asks the man. ""I'm a divorce lawyer,"" the man…

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ""Love"" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says ""I'm sending out 1000 Valentine cards signed 'Guess who?'"" ""But why?"" asks the man. ""I'm a divorce lawyer"" the man rep…

At the post office.... A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce…

My wife is never gonna believe why her valentine gifts aren’t here today. I ordered her balloons from Temu but they keep getting shot down.

My Valentine is like the square root of -100... A 10