Valentine Jokes

My Valentine is like the square root of -100... A 10, but imaginary

Guess what my Valentine gave me? Carpal Tunnel...

What does an illustrator say to his girlfriend on Valentine ? I'm font of you.

What is Oscar Pistorius's new favourite band? Bullets For My Valentine

Whale you be my Valentine? Dolphinately

A wife told her husband that she wanted more freedom. "No problem," he said. "I'll extend the kitchen." Mafia Valentine Verses My love for you, it came and went So your feet are now in wet cement. The string of my heart you know how to pull it So be my Valentine or take a bullet. I'm here to fulfil your fondest wishes Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes. Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car – so why ain't you dead? I picked up this card from a slim selection But that's al…

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. “I'm a divorce lawyer!”