Maria Jokes

how terrible do you think Maria von Trapp's life had to be that she included "doorbells" on her list of favorite things

I find it in poor taste that the 1am drive-thru attendant asks "How are you?" Not good, Maria. Clearly.

My wife always says I am bullying on of our children I don't know which one she means... John, Maria or the fat ugly one?

Kids are learning about colors in class. So the teacher asks them to make up a sentence using colors. First the teacher asks Maria and she says: ""I ate a red apple in the morning"" Teacher: ""Very good Maria, now you Robert, give us a sentence that uses a color"" Robert: ""I like looking at the blue sky"" Teacher: ""Nice job Robert. Now you Johnny, tell me a sentence using a color"" Johnny: ""Green! Green!"" he mimics picking up a phone ""Yellow? Yellow?"" He mimics hanging up the phone ""Pink!…

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, ""At last, they're finally together."" Her sister sitting in the front row said, ""Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"" The priest replied, ""I mean her legs."" -

An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village... An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish. ""How long did it take you to catch them?"" The American asked. ""Only a little while."" The Mexican replied. ""Why don't you stay out longer and catch more…

You know what they say about fast typers?[OC] They can make a girl qwert Credit: sumkid (Maria) and I

Juan was working on the roof of a one story house, when he slipped and fell . He calls his wife ""Maria, I just fell from the roof and broke my leg and I think I cracked some ribs. I am on my way to the Hospital, Martha is taking me"" Maria responds calmly "" Who's Martha?""

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

A man goes to a coffee shop... A man goes into a coffee shop and orders a drink. After he sits down at a table, he notices a man across the shop. The other man lifts two fingers to his nose, sniffs, and then says ""Francine, Francine."" The man thinks this is odd, but finishes his drink and goes along his way. The next day, the man goes to the coffee shop and sees the same man again. Once again, he lifts two fingers to his nose, sniffs, and says ""Francine, Francine."" The first man is too curio…

Husband: Doctor. I think my wife has symptoms of deafness. I talk to her at home and she's not answering me. Doctor: Okay. Next time you're at home with her try this: Stay at a certain distance from her and tell her anything. If she doesn't answer you go a bit closer and try again until she answers. The husband goes home, his wife comes home from work and start making dinner. The husband get far from her and asks. Husband: Maria! What's for dinner? The woman didn't answers so he approaches some …

Who Found America Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

America Found Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

How earned $ 20 by smart girl. Maria Girl went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, ""Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!"" Maria replied, ""See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!""

Mexican fisherman The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, ""Only a little while."" The American then asked, ""Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"" The Mexican said, ""With this I have more than enough to s…

Found this joke on some website i cant remember You Know You Are a Mexican When... * You share the same social security number with all your amigos * You smell like BO all the time * You don't know what BO is * You have at least thirty cousins * There is at least one member in your family name Maria, Guadalupe, Juan, Jose, or Jesus * You see a fence and want to hop over it * You are too short to go on rides in Disney Land * You mow lawns for a living * You're the best bean picker in your neighbo…

Who finds america? Funny Joke Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

Maria, a maid, asks her boss for a raise. Her boss is annoyed and asks, ""Now, Maria, why do you think you deserve a raise?"" Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an raise. First, I iron better than you.' Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?' Maria: 'Your husband said so.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.' Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?' Maria: 'Your husband did.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'My third reason is t…

Maria is a devoted wife. She gets married and has 17 children.Soon after the last child is born,her husband dies.A few weeks later she remarried and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.After the last child is born her second husband also dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time.Unfortunately,she becomes very ill and dies.At her funeral the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in coffin.He looks up to heaven and says""At last…

Lottery Jackpot Lottery draw time on Channel 5 Frank thinks. Ticket out and ready for the numbers. First Frank doesn't even pay lots of attention but when the forth number announced matches again one of the picked numbers on his ticket, Frank gets out of his chair full of excitement. Number 5 and 6, he got it. Jackpot!!! Frank is running through his living room, celebrating, laughing. His wife Maria takes notice storms into the room looks at him: ""Dear lord what's happening, are you okay?"" ""M…

jok Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

who found America? :D Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

The American businessman and the Mexican fisherman. An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The fisherman replied that it only took a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish. The fisherman said he had …

Two Nuns On Bikes Two nuns, Maria and Angelica, are riding their bicycles on their way to work at the Vatican. They're running late, so Maria says, ""I know a shortcut. Let's go down this alley."" They turn right onto the alley, which soon becomes a narrow cobblestone road, with many twists and turns. Angelica remarks, ""wow, I never came this way before."" Maria tells her, ""it's the cobblestones.""

(NSFW) Playground humor Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 from those stupid boys just by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, ""Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!"" Maria laughed and said, I know that mom, that's why I took them off first.