Robert Jokes

Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he's wrong and you are positive their names are "Batman and Robert".

don't hate robert altman's 1992 satirical comedy "the player" hate david fincher's 1997 psychological thriller "the game"

[At a San Francisco Dance Club] *Grinds cute girl in a mini-skirt* Hey baby, what's your name? "Robert"

"Remember Robert from work?" Yeah..he was a douche. "He died." WHAT?!? OMG..He was such a nice guy!

Rob somebody at gunpoint today, show the world how serious you are at nicknaming your new friend Robert.

"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples

Him: my name is Robert but my friends call me Bob, you can call me whatever you like. Me: Cool, nice to meet you Nachos.

A small neighborhood was flooded... ...so much to the point that the rooftops were the only dry place. Vince and Frank were seated on one roof, waiting for rescue, when suddenly, out of one of the houses, they observe a floating hat. It drifts over to a shed nearby and then drifts back to the front of the house. Bubbles started bursting near the hat, and then it then moved in a circular pattern where the circles got smaller and smaller (like a spiral) until it hit the center of what would be the…

An 85 and 25 year old's wedding night... Vet Friend of mine just sent this: Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . . .Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the doo…

Teacher students joke . ""what do you want to become when you grow up?"" A teacher asked his young students. ""I Want to be a like Iron Man"" Thomas answered. ""OK, But Iron Man didn't just become like that without studying and working hard. I hope you become like him one day."" said the teacher smiling. ""What about you Alice?"" he continued, gesturing towards Alice. ""I want to become an Actress and become famous?"" said Alice. ""Well I hope you achieve that one day and we see you in a great m…

An 85 and 25 year old's wedding night Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . . .Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 ye…

Kids are learning about colors in class. So the teacher asks them to make up a sentence using colors. First the teacher asks Maria and she says: ""I ate a red apple in the morning"" Teacher: ""Very good Maria, now you Robert, give us a sentence that uses a color"" Robert: ""I like looking at the blue sky"" Teacher: ""Nice job Robert. Now you Johnny, tell me a sentence using a color"" Johnny: ""Green! Green!"" he mimics picking up a phone ""Yellow? Yellow?"" He mimics hanging up the phone ""Pink!…

Robert called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner *""Hello?""* said a little girl's voice. *""Hi, honey, it's Daddy,""* said Robert. *""Is mommy near the phone?""* *""No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank.""* After a brief pause, he said, *""But you don't have an Uncle Frank, honey!""* *""Yes I do. He's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!""* *""Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and s…

Robert Plant, Paul McCartney, and Mick Jagger convene once a year to discuss all the great foods they've found travelling the globe on tour. Robert is the first to excited reveal his 'big find'. He takes out a little pie tray from a brown paper bag and places it on the table. ""It's a pastry of some kind from Tanzania. It's akin to what we call a quiche, but uses yak cheese and quail eggs instead!"" ""Fascinating"" says Paul, who is next to present his favourite foreign food to the group. He pul…

Donation Request ----SENT FROM FORMER 3 STAR GENERAL, FORMER SENATOR, ROBERT WINGLASS ( AND CLASSMATE ) Dear Friends: I have the distinguished honor of being a member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton. We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces. We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed…

An improved Game of Thrones joke Robert Baratheon, Renly Baratheon and Stannis Baratheon go into a tavern. They order ale, but when the barkeep brings them over, they each find a fly in their cups. Robert goes into rage and smashes the cup, demanding new ale. Renly takes the fly out and laughs with the barkeep about it. Stannis reaches into the cup, pulls out the fly and shouts: ""Spit it out! The ale is mine - by right!""

What do you call a shish-kebab at a fancy restaurant? A Shish-ke-Robert

Bob, Rob, and Robert live on the six hundredth floor of an apartment building. One day, the ............ Bob, Rob, and Robert live on the six hundredth floor of an apartment building. One day, the elevators are broken, so they have to take the stairs. To entertain themselves, they decide that for the first 200 floors, Bob will tell happy stories, for the middle 200 floors, Rob will tell funny stories, and for the last 200 floors, Robert will tell sad stories. On the 401st floor, Robert says, ""H…

What's the main difference between Kim and Robert K? Robert didn't get a famous black guy off all by himself ...

I don't get why Robert and Cersei never seemed to get along... They didn't even have a legitimate issue.

What does Robert, Khloe, and Kim Kardashian all have in common? They all know how to get black men off.

Sixth-grade teacher Mrs. Fisher, the sixth-grade teacher, tells the class that today they're going to have a spelling bee. Instructing the first kid to stand up, she asks, ""Robert, what does your father do for a living? Say it nice and clearly, and then spell it out."" ""My father's a baker,"" answers Robert. ""B-A-K-E-R-R."" ""That's not quite right, Robert. Try again,"" chides Mrs. Fisher gently. ""B-A . . ."" says Robert, thinking hard, ""K-E-R."" ""Very good. Now, Cecily?"" ""Doctor. D-O-C-…

Tearful Bride A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, ""Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."" ""Now, now,"" her mother comforted, ""I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."" ""No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"" ""Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!"" says her mom. ""Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."" ""No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airpl…

What do you call a Robert on a stick? A keBob!

A QA Engineer walks into a bar an orders a beer. And orders 2 beers, and orders 7445553822 beers, and orders -1 beers, and orders asdfadf beers, and orders Robert'); DROP TABLE beers;