Robert Jokes

My friend Robert showed me a cross between a cabbage and a turnip... I said, ""That's cool, Robbie!""

My dad loves telling this joke to women Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog. Robert walks up to the man and asks, >""What happened?!"" The man- ""My wife and mother in law died."" Robert - ""Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"" The man - ""My dog bit them."" Robert - ""Your dog bit them and they died?!"" The Man - ""Yup"" Robert - ""...Can I borrow your dog?"" The man simply sm…

Time of weakness Rosy had been divorced for a few years and was finding life very lonely. Finally, after much persuasion, she consented to go out on a date with Robert, a gentleman her daughter fixed her up with. He picked her up and they went to a very secluded spot to have a picnic. Robert had also been divorced for quite some time and found himself very attracted to Rosy. Despite her initial resistance to his advances, he finally suceeded in making love to her. Rosy was mortified at her…

Update on Robert from the Paid a Homeless Lady in Nashville $1 for 2 Jokes Thread: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1rwb5t/i_paid_a_homeless_lady_in_nashville_1_for_two/ 2nd and 4th posts. I received information today that Robert passed away in San Diego in August. This is the only information I will post. Mods, if you don't mind letting this one camp a few days as a lot of people asked for updates.

Mom, is this skirt too short? Yes. Your balls are showing, Robert.

The Story of Mike Doe! Hey, my name’s Mike Doe, and this is my story. I had a friend in college, my freshman roommate, who was always talking about his family. His name was Robert Gooding, and he must’ve had a family tree that started from Adam and Eve. Every single day he would drone on and on about some cousin or uncle or some such. He would always burst into the room saying things like, “Hey Mike! You’ll never guess Uncle Nate and Aunt Ridley are doing in Taiwan for the orphans this week!” I…

Metallica walks into a restaurant... James orders a water. Kirk orders a water. Robert orders a water. Lars has a water. Waiter asks if they want anything in their water. James says... ...just ice for all.

A 90 year old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. Fifteen minutes later, the doctor says,"Your health is good physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?" The old man replies,"Me and God are tight. We are in a real connection. He has even fixed my eyesight for me! Whenever I go to the bathroom to pee, the light turns on and when I exit, the light turns off!" The doctor, astonished, calls his wife and says,"Madam, your husband's physical heath is good. I'm …

A man stops another man on the street \- Oh my God, Robert! I almost didn't recognize you! You changed your hair, you changed your nose, you changed your moustache... \- Erm, I'm sorry sir, my name's not Robert, it's Richard. \- No way! You changed your name too?

A man walks into a bar A man walks into a bar, sits down at the counter and orders a beer in a glass and a beer in a thimble. The waiter finds his request strange, but he complies. Suddenly a tiny man comes out of the man's shirt pocket, sits down on the bar and drinks his beer from the thimble. The waiter looks at the scene astonished. The next day, the man returns, sits at the bar and again orders a beer in a glass and a beer in a thimble. The same little man pulls out his pocket, sits down o…

Bobs wedding Robert, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenn prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for act…

Robert called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner *""Hello?""* said a little girl's voice.

"Yesterday, my wife left me for my best friend" "Who is your best friend?" "Robert" "Since when is Robert your best friend?" "Yesterday."

What's ""Bob"" backwards?","Some guy named Robert facing the wrong direction. (I understand this is a lame joke, but it always goes over well at parties so you're welcome).

What's "Bob" backwards? Some guy named Robert facing the wrong direction. (I understand this is a lame joke, but it always goes over well at parties, so you're welcome).

“Hello! Hello!” exclaimed the elderly woman upon answering the telephone. “Who is this?” “Albert.” “Who? I can’t hear a word you say.” “Albert” shouted the young man. “A-l-b-e-r-t. A for Arthur, L for Lionel, B for Bertram, E for Edward, R for Robert, T for Tommie.” “Yes, yes” replied the old lady. “But which of you boys wants to speak to me!?”

Teacher: “Robert, give me a sentence starting with ‘I’”. Robert: “I is...” Teacher: “No, Robert. Always say, ‘I am’” Robert: “All right... I am the ninth letter of the alphabet!”

Robert lost his cheque book. He approached bank manager and informed manager regarding it. Manager : You should have taken care as any one can sign your cheque on ur behalf and empty your deposits. Robert : How can others sign? I am not a fool. I have already signed all the cheques.

Robert: “Yesterday the police arrested me for tampering with the ATM.” John: “What did you do?” Robert: “It asked me to enter the PIN and I inserted a safety pin!”