Richard Jokes

Now I'm REALLY glad Monica chose Chandler over Richard.

They found Richard III's skeleton in a parking lot. Time stamp on the ticket stub indicates he owes $8,432,773.

Hi my name is Richard. I'm a husband and it's been 3 months since my last decision.

Richard and friend arguing Richard makes good point Richard's friend says mark my words Richard Marx

A man calls his brother while on vacation... Richard was on vacation, and his brother, John, is watching his cat for him. Richard called John and asked how everything was going. John answered, ""your cat's dead."" Richard freaked out and said, ""you don't just tell someone their cat died like that! You let them down easy!"" ""okay, how should I have said it?"" ""first you say the cat got out, then the next day the cat is on the roof, then the next day he fell, he's at the vet, then the next day,…

Kid: why is my cousin named Diamond? Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds Kid: well what about my name? Mother: never mind about that Richard.

Joke about lottery Nick makes a deal with his friend Richard to buy a donkey for 100$. Nick gives the money and says he will be back the next day to pick up the donkey, because he needs to prepare the spot. The following day he comes to see Richard, but the donkey is dead. Nick demands a refund. Richard says he cannot do that, because he had already drank away the money. Nick says ""What the hell"" and takes the dead donkey. Few weeks later they run into each other. Richard asks ""What did you d…

Someone asked me if I wanted to watch Richard the third. I Said 'I haven't the seen the first 2'

A boy asks him mom about his name Son: ""Mom, why is my sister called Diamond?"" Mom: ""That's easy, I named her after one of the two things I love the most in life."" Son: ""What about my name?"" Mom: ""That's enough questions for one day, Richard!""

A money-hungry man opted to change his name And the Rich get Richard

A young boy asks him mum why his cousin is named Diamond... His mother replies ""because your auntie loves Diamonds"" He replies ""what about me?"" She responds ""enough question Richard""

A man walks into Richard Harrison's pawn shop... ... And says, ""I have a treat for you."" He digs through his bag, pull out a small item and says, ""Richard Harrison, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?"" Richard rubs his chin and replies, ""I'll give you 25 cents.""

Three mothers see a psychologist They've brought their kids with them. The psychologist says, ""It looks like you all have obsessions, and you've named your children after them."" He says to the first mother, ""You have an obsession with cars, which is why you named your daughter Mercedes"" He moves onto the second mom, ""Your obsession is money. Your child's name is Penny, which reflects that."" Finally he turns to the third mother. ""At first I was puzzled by your choice, but I realized it was…

Why did Richard leave his home this morning? For Harambe.

Three gay men in a funeral home... The first sighs and says, ""My Daniel just loved adventure. I'm going to spread his ashes out of a plane so he can go all the places he never got to."" The second dries his eyes and says, ""My Richard loved fishing, so I'm going to spread his ashes at our favorite fishing hole."" The third nods his head, ""My Paul was a great lover. I'm going to mix his ashes in a bowl of chile so he can tear my ass up one more time.""

So Richard III's ghost appears in his castle. He walks into a room and asks the nearest servant, ""Excuse me, where is the coronation of the new king?"" And the servant says, ""Ah, it's Tudors down from here.""

A boy asks his mother a question Boy: ""Mom, why's my cousin named Jasmine?"" Mom: ""That's because your aunt likes flowers."" Boy: ""Mom, what do you like?"" Mom: ""Oh, be quiet Richard""

Sam, William, Richard and Ridge are sitting in an English class. Sam, William, Richard and Ridge are sitting in an English class and things are getting pretty boring. They're discussing the Victorian Period. Ridge is a math major, and he starts determining how much money it would cost to print the words on William's book on a giant plaque. William is making fun of him for being nerdy, and Sam is laughing at him because he is also a math guy. Ridge begins having a panic attack because it's gettin…

I'm Rich with a capital R! But my colleagues know me by my legal name, Richard.

Two paleontologists walk into a Walgreens at two in the morning intently holding matching duffel bags safeguarded and pressed against their respective chests. Amused, the cashier asked why the men appear so nervous. Amused, the men respond. The cashier becomes amused. The men then depart from the walgreens, having found what they were looking for and at a reasonable price. One man ends up falling on the pavement and he is still fine. The other, in jest, asks if it's his balance he lost or just h…

So a priest walks up to his neighbor's yard... ""Neighbor Jim!"" He says. ""I just came back from assigning penance to shifty old Richard. He says that he bought and sold stolen goods from you!"" Neighbor Jim says ""Father, I find your tone offensive."" The Priest says ""Neighbor, I found your fence atoning.""

What kind of cheese should Richard eat? Ricotta

Richard Dawkins's next book should be called... ""Religion: Controlling the Masses for Fun and Prophet""

Comedian Jokes 1. a child can drown at just 4 inches of water might as well run a bath 2. if god didn't want there to be gays he would sent a plague to wipe them out 3. why is it called sunshine variety coaches when all the kids on board are the same 4. treatmekeepking ever heard that phrase treatmekeepking you treat them and you keep them king if that was true wouldn't the jews absolute adore the germans 5. that should be our new speed camera a video of richard hammonds trying to remember his o…

Did you hear about the french TV show Did you hear about the french TV chat show that only airs on a thursday? Richard and Jeudi