Second Husband Jokes

Girls night out Two young married women were having a girls night out on the town. Walking home from the bar they both realized they needed to pee. They saw a cemetary across the street and decided to go behind the headstones. Having nothing to wipe with, the first girl takes off her panties, wipes, then tosses them. The second girl doesn't want to toss her expensive panties so she grabs a card out of some flowers and uses that. Giggling, they continue home. The next morning the husband of the f…

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. Her friend is overjoyed and says: ""How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"" ""He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."" ""Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"" ""He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."" ""Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."" ""He died of a broken neck."" ""A broken neck?"" ""He wouldn't eat the mushroo…

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, ""At last, they're finally together."" Her sister sitting in the front row said, ""Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"" The priest replied, ""I mean her legs."" -

A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man. Following the words of the Bible, ""Be fruitful and multiply,"" they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact. A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they have 17 children over the course of 22 years. The woman's second husband dies of old age. The woman herself dies a few years later. At her funeral, her sister remarks, ""Well, at least they're finally togethe…

Woman at funeral of 3rd husband... Was asked how her first husband died? She said ""He ate some poison mushrooms."" When asked how the second husband died? She sobbed ""He too at some poison mushrooms."" This begged the question how her 3rd husband died ? She exclaimed ""He died from a blow to the back of the head."" ""What happened?"" they asked. ""He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."" She said.

Am glad they are together.... A woman gets married to a guy and has 3 kids and her husband dies. She then marries a second guy and has 5 kids and the second husband also dies. She then marries a third guy and has 7 kids and her third husband also dies. After a few months, she dies and at her funeral the priest says... ""Finally, they are together!"". Her friend standing next to the priest asks, ""you mean she and her first husband, she and her second husband or she and her third husband?"" The p…

Working on the fourth husband. A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time. ""How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"" ""He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."" ""Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"" ""He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died."" ""Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."" ""He died of a broken neck."" ""A broken neck?"" ""He wouldn't eat the mushrooms.""

Maria is a devoted wife. She gets married and has 17 children.Soon after the last child is born,her husband dies.A few weeks later she remarried and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.After the last child is born her second husband also dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time.Unfortunately,she becomes very ill and dies.At her funeral the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in coffin.He looks up to heaven and says""At last…

The Devout Catholic Woman Jennifer, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Jennifer also passed away. At Jennifer's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, ""At last, they're finally together."" Her sister sitting in the front row said, ""Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or her second husband?"" The priest replied, ""I mean her legs.""

A 90 year old woman is getting married for the fourth time. A news crew is there to document the story. The reporter asks the woman about her odd marital past. ""Let me get this right,"" he says. ""Your first husband was a banker. Your second husband was a clown. Your third husband was a doctor, and you're about to marry a mortician. Why the menagerie of different men?"" She smirked and said ""It was one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.""

A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man. Following the words of the Bible, ""Be fruitful and multiply,"" they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact. A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they have 17 children over the course of 22 years. The woman's second husband dies of old age. The woman herself dies a few years later. At her funeral, her sister remarks, ""Well, at least they're finally togethe…

7 and 7 is 11 A woman from Chelm went to the market one day to buy herring and a loaf of bread. ""How much is it?"" she asked the storekeeper. ""14 cents,"" answered the storekeeper to the lady. ""14 cents! For what?"" asked the lady. The storekeeper explained: The herring costs 7 cents, and the loaf of bread costs 7 cents also. So together it comes to 14 cents."" ""I know different. To the best of my recollection, 7 and 7 is 11."" ""What are your saying?"" ""As far as I know, 7 and 7 is 11... I…

A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!" The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp…

Sandra, a devout Catholic, got married and had 11 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 11 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Sandra also passed away. At Sandra's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

Fourth husband A wife was lying in her bed with her fourth husband, they were just married and very much in love. Says the wife, "please be gentle, I am still a virgin." So the husband asks, "how can you be a virgin if you've been married three times?". Says the wife: My first husband was a psychiatrist: when it came to my cooch, all he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynaecologist: when it came to my cooch, all he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a …

Two married men agree; no more ladies' nights. On their way home from a great ladies night out, two married women have the sudden urge to tinkle. There are no restaurants or shops nearby, so the women run into a nearby cemetery and pee behind some headstones. One of the women uses her panties to wipe while the other grabs a nearby flower wreath. The next morning, the first husband says to the second husband, "I don't know about you but no more ladies' nights! My wife came home last night witho…

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband. After the last child is born her second husband also dies. Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies. At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and …

A very Christian woman A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man. Following the words of the Bible, "Be fruitful and multiply," they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact. A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they have 17 children over the course of 22 years. The woman's second husband dies of old age. The woman herself dies a few years later. At her funeral, her sister remarks, "Well, at least …

Marriage joke A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest rep…

A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls. After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee. They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have nothing to wipe themselves with. So one uses her underwear and the other grabs a wreath and uses that. Next day their husbands are talking on the phone, voicing their concerns. "I'm not happy", says one husband, "she came home with no underwear on!" …

A woman gets married for the fourth time. On their honeymoon night, she says to her husband, "I just want you to know that I'm a virgin. I thought you should be aware of that." "But you've been married three times before!" "Well, my first husband was a lovely man, but he was injured, and just couldn't perform. We were together for a while, but I wanted a change. My second husband, well, it turned out that he just wasn't really attracted to women that way. I don't think we ever should have got…

three couples are sitting down for some evening tea one of the three men says to his wife “can you pass the sugar, sugar?” the second husband thinks it’s cute how his friend called his wife “sugar” while asking for the sugar. not wanting to be outdone he attempts to one-up his friend by sweetly asking his own wife, “can you pass the honey, honey?” the third man now feels there is an expectation for him to say something cute to his wife. so he clears his throat and asks her” can you pass the …

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time "How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, but what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too, and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."