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Who's that woman with Jim? A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big french kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, ""Who the hell was that?"" ""Oh,"" replies the husband, ""she's my mistress."" ""Well, that's the last straw,"" says the wife. ""I've had enough. I want a divorce!"" I can understand that,"" replies her husband, ""b

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Mistress A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, ""Who in the hell was that?"" ""Oh,"" replies the husband, ""She's my mistress."" ""Well, that's the last straw,"" says the wife. ""I've had enough. I want a divorce!"" ""I can understand that,"" replies her husband, ""But rememb

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It's a cold night in Moscow, and Natasha and Sergey are getting busy in the back of Sergey's brand new Yugo. The heat is on in more ways than one, and Natasha can tell that Sergey is getting close. She tries to stop him and ask, ""Do you have protection?"", but it's too late. Two months later, Natasha is late, so she takes a pregnancy test. Sure enough, she's pregnant. In tears, she tells her parents. They ask how it's possible. ""It's an accident!"" she swears. Her father goes and finds Sergey

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A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: 'Monsieur, the reason I stole the paintings is I had no Monet to buy Degas To make the Van Gogh. I know I had de gaulle, but I figured I had nothing Toulouse.""

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There are two cats, one called 1,2,3 And another called une deux trois. After many years of consideration, they decide to brave the swim across the English channel to visit Paris. Two days go by, and noone has heard from either feline. Their friends in England are starting to give up hope, when they receive word that 1,2,3 has survived. Later that day they called 1,2,3: ""Have you heard anything about your companion?"" 1,2,3 replied solemnly down the line, ""yes, une deux trois quatre cinq""

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A lady is bargaining for a honeymoon package abroad.. Says the agent: ""Check it out maam. 3 nights and 4 days in a cruise to Bahamas, all night party and casino environment with free booze. Just $2000 per couple. Hell of a deal."" The lady: ""Umm. Nice one. But do you have anything cheaper?"" The agent: ""Sure maam. 4 nights and 5 days in Australia. Sea surfing, para gliding, 5 star hotel stay and kangaroo ride as well. Just $1500 per couple. Hell of a deal."" The lady: ""Wow. But still.. do ha

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An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon... When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says I'm giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.' He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket. The Frenchman and the Afghani man think giving things to their countries is a wonderful idea. They set course for France where the Frenchma

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Three archaeologists of different nationalities are debating on whose culture was more advanced The French archaeologist claims his ancestors were superior: ""We dug down 50 meters in Paris and we found copper. That must mean we had copper wiring which proves the French are more advanced."" The Italian scoffs, ""Pah! That is nothing. We dug down 100 meters underwater in Venice and found glass. That indicates that my ancestors had fiber optics!"" The Israeli smiles and says, ""We dug down 200 met

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After Quasimodo's death... After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop

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Arab and his son. An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: ""Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."" The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail f

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The Idiot of the Year Every year, all of the biggest idiots of the world gather together to pick the Idiot of the Year. All of the most idiotic minds of the world pack into an auditorium, and watch the stage. Slowly the curtain rises on the stage, and the first person to identify the object is crowned ""Idiot of the Year"". Back in 2014, the idiots convened in Paris. The auditorium was filled, the lights were dimmed, and the audience trembled with excitement. The curtain started to rise, slowly

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My grandfather was a WWII vet... He said he went to Paris back in the day, and went into this lounge called ""Les Jardin Rois"" got drunk and pissed on the bar, banged all the waitresses, beat up the bouncer and threw a chair through the front window. Naturally, I went there on vacation one year and tried the same shit, got my ass kicked by a bunch of Parisians and thrown in jail. Calling him from the phone in prison he asked ""Who did you go to that lounge with?"" Taken back by the question, I

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