Paris Jokes

Did you hear about the tourist who visited France? He went to Paris and saw an Eiffel

Dad-which one do u love more? papa or mama.. Akpos- both Dad- if i go to America n mama go to Paris.where wil u go? Akpos- Paris Dad- that mins u lyk mama.. Akpos- i lyk paris Dad-if i go to Paris n mama go to America,wher wil u go? Akpos- America Dad- y? Akpos- coz i went to paris b4

Did you hear about the lunatic who tried swimming in the river in Paris? He was in seine

Didja hear about the LGBT DJ in Paris who'll only play 50's US rock songs? Yeah - he calls himself ... wait for it ... Cousine Brucie

Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags: "I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris." "Sir, you can't do that." "Why not? It happened the last time."

What street in Paris is well-known for its transvestite community? The Rue Paul.

How many French people need to defend Paris? It isn't known, never tried.

Why are the streets in Paris lined with trees? So the German soldiers can march in shade.

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? Nobody knows because they've never tried

Why are the landmarks in Paris quarantined? Because they are parasites

What song title is best used to describe the France terrorist attack? Niggas In Paris

What do you get when you go to a concert in Paris? Shot.

Why did the terrorists have to blow up a Paris nightclub? Because their planes kept missing the Eiffel Tower.

What do you call a terrorist from Paris? A Paririst

A young woman travelling home on a flight from France to the United States turned to the priest sitting next to her and said: "Father, I wonder if I could ask you a favour?" "Certainly, my dear," he replied. "You see," she said, "in Paris I bought an expensive electronic hairdryer that is well over customs limits, and I'm worried they'll confiscate it. Could you possibly carry it through customs for me – under your robes, perhaps?" "I'd love to help you," said the priest, "and I will do what I c…

What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in the Second World War? "Table for 100,000, monsieur?"

A teenage boy was playing in his room on his computer when his grandfather came in and sat on the bed. "I know you love your computer," said the grandfather, "but you really should get out of the house more and experience life. After all, you're eighteen now. When I was eighteen, I went to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!" A week later, the grandfather came to visit ag…

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disneyland Paris? Because every time they are set off, the French Army tries to surrender.

A married couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their three sons, all extremely successful and wealthy, agreed to a Sunday lunch to mark the occasion, but as usual they were all late and came up with a variety of excuses. The first son turned up fifteen minutes late. "Happy anniversary," he said. "Sorry I'm a bit late. I had a flat tyre this morning and as a result I'm afraid I haven't had time to get you a present." "Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is th…

Are people who jump off bridges in Paris in seine!?

If you were to jump off a bridge in Paris would that mean you were in seine?

Recently, a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louver. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: (brace yourself) "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!"