Paris Jokes

I went on a boat trip around Paris, ...it was in-seine!

3 jewish moms 3 moms are talking about their sons: The first one says ""my son is so rich that he can buy Paris!"", the second one answers ""are you kidding me? Mine is so rich that he can buy Paris AND New York!"", the third one looks at them and seems surprised, then she says: ""and what makes you think my son wants to sell???""

During My Trip to Paris While I was in Paris, me and my friends decided to go for a swim during an awfully cold day. We went down to the river, and as I waded in the water, I called my mom to tell her what I was doing. She replied, ""What are you, in Seine!?""

Dream Big A teacher asks her class, ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" Little Johnny says ""I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day"". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to…

Gynecologist visit A woman was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, she received a call from the doctor's office to tell her that she had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. She had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to the doctor's office took about 35 minutes, so she didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, she wanted to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making s…

If you jump off a bridge in Paris... They'll declare you in Seine

So I was buying a ticket for a train from London to Paris... And the man behind the desk said, ""Eurostar?"" So I replied, ""Well I've been on TV, but I'm no Johnny Depp!""

Hypnotist I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night at the show in Paris. He hypnotized 7 guys then tripped over the microphone and yelled ""Baise moi""......What happened next will haunt me forever...

Topical Jokes (5/23) Back again to deliver some fresh Thursday chuckles or smirks. Let's check what's in the news. First up, Kim Kardashian is now taking her final trip to Paris before giving birth. It is there she hopes to market a newly refined marbled brie made from her lactated tit squirts called ""Yeezy Cheezy"". Next, as if we hadn't heard enough about Anthony Weiner already. Weiner's NYC mayoral campaign has already brought up more worries of election scandal - like if he carefully stuffs…

I plan to swim all the way to Paris my friends think I'm In-Seine.

A very prestigious wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant... A very prestigious wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, ""Who was that?"" ""Oh,"" replies the husband, ""she's my mistress."" Well, that's the last straw,"" says the wife. ""I…

This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris... ... Effectively crippling the French military.

I was thinking of ways to become transgender... So I figured I'd fly to Paris. Because then I'd be abroad.

Q:Why are the avenues in Paris lined with trees? A:Because Germans like to march in the shade.

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, ""Who the hell was that?"" ""Oh,"" replies the husband, ""she's my mistress."" ""Well, that's the last straw,"" says the wife. ""I've had enough, I want a divorce!"" ""I can understand that,"" replies her husband, ""but remember, if we …

""Were you in Paris on your vacation?"" ""I don't know my wife got the tickets.""

""What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?"" ""He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise.""

What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris? Ape Suzettes!

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table gives the husband a big kiss says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says ""Who the hell was that?"" ""Oh"" replies the husband ""she's my mistress."" ""Well that's the last straw"" says the wife. ""I've had enough I want a divorce."" ""I can understand that"" replies her husband ""but remember if we get a divorce it will mean no more sh…

In a fancy Paris restaurant there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie you disappear. One day a blonde a brunette and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. ""I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."" ""POOF!"" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> ""I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."" ""POOF!"" She disappears. The blonde goes up. ""I think--"" ""POOF!""

An airplane was losing altitude over the Rocky Mountains. The pilot over the intercom said that the entire luggage needed to be thrown overboard if they were to survive. After all the luggage was thrown the plane was still going down so they asked for volunteers. A man from Paris went to the door and said ""Viva la France."" Next a preacher went to the door and said ""Lord forgive me for what I must do."" Finally a rich Texas cattle rancher said ""Well guess I got to do my part"" and he grabbed…

I met a man from India and he gave me this one A Frenchman, an American and an Indian are on a plane. The Frenchman says to the stewardess "I can tell what city we are flying over just by sticking my hand out the window!" Of course she doesn't believe him so he say here, watch, and he sticks his hand out the window and proudly tells everyone "We are flying over Paris" Amused the stewardess asks "how could you know that?", well says the Frenchman "I just touched the Eiffel tower" Not wanting t…

A blonde goes to Paris A blonde was going on vacation to Paris and was going to fly there. She had ordered a seat in coach, but when the plane took off she went up and sat in first class. The flight attendant went up to her and told her - very politely - that she had to move back down to coach. The blonde looked at her and said: "I'm blonde, I'm hot and I can sit where-ever I want!" The stewardess quickly went away. Then another flight attendant came up and said that she had to move back dow…

A teacher asks her kids in class.... "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importanc…

The art of joke writing A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.' I had no Monet To buy Degas To make the Van Gogh. I had De Gaulle to post this …