Paris Jokes

Little Billy One day, a teacher asks the kids in her class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Billy: "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari worth a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200-foot yacht, an Infinite Visa Card, and I want to make love to her three times a day." The teacher, shocked with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and co…

This one's kinda long Quasimodo is getting a little old, and he's starting to think about retiring. So he puts out an ad in the Paris Times asking for prospective bell ringers to come meet him at the cathedral for an interview. One of the first applicants is a man who doesn't have any arms. Quasi says to him, "I'm sorry, I want to give you a chance I really do, but I just can't see how you could possibly do this without arms." The man responds, "I understand where you're coming from, but please…

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? Don't know. Its never been done before.

A husband and wife are having dinner... A husband and wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. ‪‪ The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who in the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "She's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies …

A double joke Following the death of Quasimodo. the Bishop of the Cathedral Church of Notre Dame sent word throughout the streets of Paris that a new bellringer would need to be appointed. The Bishop decided that he would himself conduct the interviews, and went up into the belfry to interview the candidates. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him announcing that he was there to apply for the post.. The Bishop…

An old Arab lived close to New York City... An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father." The following day, the old man…

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman. "Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his …

Little Johnny...again. A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give imp…

Bob and Jim in Paris Two Americans, Bob and Jim, are on vacation in Paris. They're walking down the street, when a car pulls up, slamming on the brakes. The driver leans out. "Parlez vous Francais?" Bob looks at Jim and shrugs. "Habla Español?" The two men just stare. "Parli Italiano?" No answer. The man throws his hands up and then drives away. They walk on a bit farther, and then Bob says to Jim, "You know, we should learn another language." "Why?" Jim asks. "That guy k…

"Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately." "Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."

A french guy, an italian guy and an amarican on a plane..... Among others, there are three guys on a plane. One is french, the other is italian and the third one is american. The american says: "I bet I can guess where we are without looking outside, just by extend my arm out of the window". The other two go "Well, lets see". So he puts his arm outside the window and sais "we just passed New York". "How do you know?" "Because I touched the Liberty Statue". The French guy says "I can do this t…

A young German wants to travel (x-post from German_Humour) A young man is undecided where he should spend this year's vacation. He asks his granfather for advice. Grandfather: 'When I was your age, I went to Paris. I went to a bar and everything was for free. I was totally drunk, climbed on the counter and pissed on the floor. After that I spanked that waitress' ass.' The young man is excited: 'Wow! That sounds great! Thank you, grandfather' - and books the travel. Two weeks later he finally…

How many Frenchmen does it take to guard Paris? No one knows, it's never been done before

My girlfriend wants me to take her to Paris, and treat her like a princess The only thing is, I don't know which to pick: the guillotine or the Mercedes.

A young married couple are out golfing together... The man heads up to the first tee box with his driver and takes the biggest, hardest swing he can muster. As you'd expect from an amateur golfer, the ball slices hard right and off the fairway, breaking a window in a nearby house. Slightly embarrassed, the man says to his wife, "Well I feel bad. We'd better go knock on their door and offer to pay to replace the window." So, they put their game on hold and walk over to the house. The man knocks…

A couple are out having dinner They are in the middle of their meal when a gorgeous young woman walks up to the table, kisses him on the cheek, and says, "See you later, sweetie." The wife is furious. "Who was that?" That was Giselle. She's my mistress." "That's it. I've suspected for a long time, but to have her come up like that is too much. I want a divorce." "Honey, stop and think about it for a minute. I love you, and I want to stay together. She's just a harmless bit of fun. And you r…

The Billionaire Kid. A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny, always the first with his hand up and always the naughtiest says “I wanna be a billionaire Miss” “I’ll be going to the most expensive clubs, take my best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day!”. The teacher is shocked and and is not quite sure how to dea…

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father." The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son:…

There was recently an outbreak of E. coli in McDonald's quarter-pounders In Paris they would call it a "Royale with Disease"

I lost my job as a diplomat I thought people who live in Paris were called Parisites.

I feel your pain. Today. The president of Nigeria apologized to his countrymen about the poor performance of their athletes in the Paris Olympics. He understands Nigerians spent so much money to go to Paris at his urging only to be let down. He said the government will reimburse all travel costs. He just needs their bank account and PIN.

A man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big passionate kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, ‘Who the hell was that?’ ‘Oh,’ replies the husband, ‘that’s my mistress.’ ‘Well, that’s the last straw,’ says the wife. ‘I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.’ ‘I can understand that,’ replies her husband, ‘but remember, if we get a divorce it means…

Simple mathematics The couple were both 60 years old and had been married for 40 of those years. Together so long, they decided to take separate vacations. The husband chose to go to Bali, and while there, sent back a text discussing how he’d met a 30-year old native woman and that they were having a wonderful time together. The wife chose to go to Paris and wrote back that she had met a 30 year-old Frenchman who was wining and dining her. Further, she texted her husband, “I can assure you that…

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" “Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." “Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." “I can understand that" replies her h…

A grandpa told his grandson that he should live a little. Here is what he said: Grandpa: Grandson, what are you doing? Grandson: Playing a videogame. Grandpa: Why? There are so much better things you could be doing at your age. When I was your age, I was in Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, beat up the barman and left without paying! That is how you have a good time! Grandson: Well, I'm only 18, how am I supposed to get to Paris? Grandpa: I'll …