Paris Jokes

Why do you see so many dyslexics walking in Paris? It's safer than walking alone.

Beauty A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" “Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." “Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." “ I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will …

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he sai…

What do the Eiffel Tower and a tick have in common? They're both Paris sites.

What happens if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip? You die in a car accident in Paris.

Husband & The Mistress A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divor…

A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the …

Walking through Paris, I noticed a young man sitting on a bench sobbing. I sat down beside him and softly said, "le monde". He raised his head, looked me in the eyes and said, "That means the world to me."

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris. But it turns out that idea was taken. Then I had another idea where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul

Have you seen the floods in Paris? It's inseine!

What would George Washington say if you told him that in 2017 it's now possible to eat breakfast in Tokyo lunch in Paris

An old man is at passport control in Paris He is going through his bag for his passport. The woman on passport control asks him 'Have you visited France before?'

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS... THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS...

A German arrives at Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris Customs officer: “Occupation?”

What do you call a dwarf who regularly rides the Paris Metro? A Metrognome.

A 93 year-old Army veteran arrived in Paris by plane. As he was fumbling in his bag for a passport

Two germans visit France in the early 50s Two germans are visiting Paris in the early 50s. They want to order drinks

A guy walks into a sandwich shop A guy walks into a sandwich shop in Paris.

Trump pulls out of Paris. Probably for the best... can you imagine how narcissistic that kid would be?

The US in the Paris Agreement [removed]

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming... It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

We all saw the tape.... Donald isn't the first guy to pull out of Paris

A small geographical difference An elderly man walks in to the famous restaurant Lucas Carton in Paris with his girlfriend. He orders a bottle of Rothschild Mouton 1928. The waiter returns with a full bottle of wine and fill up a small amount in a glass for tasting. The man barely smells the wine before putting the glass down and stating: ""This is not a 1928 Mouton!"

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? No one knows. They've never tried.

NSFW Pierre the French Fighter Pilot NSFW It is springtime in Paris and Pierre the French fighter pilot is back from the war and having a picnic lunch with his lover Millie. He is wooing her with stories of his bravery in the war and she exclaims