Paris Jokes

Why does Paris have tree lined streets? Because the German army likes to march in the shade.

Philosophy Convention All the world's greatest philosophers are gathering in France for the largest philosophy convention ever. Socrates, Descartes, Kant, etc have all made their way to Paris and checked into their rooms. Aristotle's invitation was lost in the time-travel post office and he didn't get the invitation until much later. When he finally arrives, he asks the front desk for his room but, unfortunately, no rooms are available. Struck by this, Aristotle asks Socrates if he wouldn't mind…

So a man calls an airport A man calls an airport. The receptionist answers. ""Hello."" ""Yes, hello. I have a question. How long is the flight from Los Angeles to Paris?"" ""Just a minute."" ""Thanks,"" says the man and hangs up.

Three young daughters. The three young daughters were hanging out with their mom. They're 8, 7, and 5. The eldest one asked the mom, ""Mom, why is my name Paris?"". The mom replied ""Oh it's because you were made in Paris honey. We had our honeymoon there"". The second one curiously asked the mom ""is that why my name is Brooklyn mom? Because you guys were in Brooklyn when I was made?"". ""Yes honey, that's right. It's a very nice place and your dad is from there"". The third child was so overly…

Dad-which one do u love more? papa or mama.. Akpos- both Dad- if i go to America n mama go to Paris.where wil u go? Akpos- Paris Dad- that mins u lyk mama.. Akpos- i lyk paris Dad-if i go to Paris n mama go to America,wher wil u go? Akpos- America Dad- y? Akpos- coz i went to paris b4 **How Many Like For Akpos :)**

What does Islamic extremists and skydivers have in common? they're both Paris shooters

Thank God I'm an Athiest After seeing what happened in Paris! Religious people scare me!

News reports say a Muslim hid several Jews in a freezer at the kosher market in Paris last week I guess the oven must have been broken

""Hey Bill, didja hear about them brown terrorists in Paris?"" ""Why, no Bob, I did not. What about them?"" ""Well, I heard it on the news. Seems some brown guys got salty about some cartoon, and they ended up shooting like twelve people. Real twisted of them, I tell ya."" ""My god, Bob, that's horrible. They sound like real pretzels.""

Topical Jokes for 1/12 The White House said that not sending a senior official to the Paris liberty march was a mistake. Joe Biden was supposed to fly there, but he's not allowed on a plane unless he's accompanied by an adult. United Airlines is considering outsourcing jobs to cut costs. From now on, one lucky passenger will get to fly the plane, while being fed instructions from a customer-service rep in Mumbai. In North Carolina, a woman accidentally shot her husband when he surprised her with…

So there are these two Jewish Rabbis are in a kosher deli in Paris... , when all of the sudden a terrorist gunmen storms in. As the one Rabbi leans over to get a fresh challah loaf and says to the other Rabbi, ""Here we go again."".

At least 12 dead after shooting in Paris Bet they never thought they would be killed from a magazine.

So I was feeling really depressed due to the attack in Paris... I phoned the Islamic Samaritans. When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.

A cheese shop was just bombed in Paris. There's de-brie everywhere ^^^I'm ^^^really ^^^sorry

Quasimodo wants to go on vacation... so he posts an ad in the local paper. A couple of days later he's contacted by a young man, and asks him to come up to Notre Dame so that he can learn the ropes. ""Ringing ze bells of Notre Dame truly is an art, and there is only one way to get ze perfect sound you know. Here, I will show you"" The young man looks bewildered as Quasimodo starts stepping backwards, his eyes locked on one of the magnificent bells of Notre Dame. His back reaches the far wall of …

Magical Mirror In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. ""I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."" ""POOF!"" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. ""I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."" ""POOF!"" She disappears. The blonde goes up. ""I think"" ""POOF!""

Why are all the streets in Paris lined with trees? Because Nazis prefer to march in the shade.

Remake of Last tango in Paris butter scene What would the actress played by Maria Schneider say to Marlon Brando in the new version of famous butter scene: I can't believe it's not BUTTer !

Two men robbed the Louvre in Paris. Soon after, the police found the thieves stopped in their van on the side of the road. When the thieves were asked why they had stopped, they answered: ""We did not have enough Monet to buy Degas and make the Van Gogh.""

A Divorce Letter (..XP) My Dear husband: I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw. Last week, you came home & you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new dress. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep …

Police in Paris have revealed that 51Kg of cocaine has gone missing from their central headquarters. The police chief said at a press conference, ""We'll do whatever it takes to catch the culprits, even if we have to stay up all night. And all tomorrow night. And then maybe hit a club or something.""

The Last Contango in Paris Commodities Exchange.

A blonde, a redhead, a brunette and a magic mirror In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. ""I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."" ""POOF!"" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. ""I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."" ""POOF!"" She disappears. The b…

A german teenager plans a trip to Paris. One day, before the trip, he visits his grandfather, where he mentions his plan. ""Ach, Paris!"" - he replies - ""I've been there once! Wonderful city!"" ""Really? Can you tell me some good places to visit?"" ""Sure I can! There is a small street, more like an alley, right next to the Eiffel Tower. There is this amazing restaurant! The best french dishes are served there. And the best part: it's free for germans!"" ""I never thought that! I must check it …

Michelle takes Sasha and Malia on a trip to Paris for the week. Wanks Obama.