A young woman travelling home on a flight from France to the United States turned to the priest sitting next to her and said: "Father, I wonder if I could ask you a favour?" "Certainly, my dear," he replied. "You see," she said, "in Paris I bought an expensive electronic hairdryer that is well over customs limits, and I'm worried they'll confiscate it. Could you possibly carry it through customs for me – under your robes, perhaps?" "I'd love to help you," said the priest, "and I will do what I can but I must warn you: I will not lie." "Very well, Father. I understand. And thank you." When they arrived at customs, she let the priest go through first. The customs official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?" The priest answered: "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." Puzzled by this response, the official asked: "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" The priest said: "I have a marvellous little device designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." The official smiled knowingly and said: "Very good, Father. Go through . . . Next!" Bishops tried to take a step forward by introducing female bishops. It failed. Everyone knows bishops can only move diagonally. Jimmy Carr