A married couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their three sons, all extremely successful and wealthy, agreed to a Sunday lunch to mark the occasion, but as usual they were all late and came up with a variety of excuses. The first son turned up fifteen minutes late. "Happy anniversary," he said. "Sorry I'm a bit late. I had a flat tyre this morning and as a result I'm afraid I haven't had time to get you a present." "Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that you made it here okay." Five minutes later, son number two showed up. "Happy anniversary," he said. "Sorry I'm late, but my flight from Paris was delayed, and so I haven't had time to buy you a present." "Never mind," said the father. "It's the thought that counts." Ten minutes later, the third son arrived. "Happy anniversary," he said breathlessly. "Really sorry I'm late, but it's been manic at work. I even had to go into the office this morning, which left me with no time to buy you a present." "It's not important," said the father. "All the matters is that the five of us are here together today." They enjoyed a convivial meal, at the end of which the father stood up and made a little announcement: "Listen, you three, there's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. We came to this country penniless but by working hard we were able to save enough to send the three of you to university and lay the foundations for your glitteringly successful careers. The thing is, we worked so hard that we never actually got round to getting married . . ." The three sons gasped in shock. "You mean we're bastards?" "Yeah," said the father. "And cheap ones too!" I remember the same year that my uncle went to prison for forgery was when I stopped getting a birthday card from Pamela Anderson.