Military Jokes

The time traveler made a poor taste gag about the atrocities of World War 3..... Everyone agreed, it was too soon.

Why was General Yoda afraid of April? Because March, April May.

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...(punchline is that it's military time) A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said ""1956 ma'am."" The woman, taken back by this answer said ""1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..."" and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterw…

Civil War puns are the best And General Lee, they're easy to make.

There was a First Sergeant in the Army who didn't want to get a promotion.... ...Now he has a major problem.

I did some Star War's fantasy roll playing this weekend Me, Hand Solo and Princess Didn't-Get-Laid-a.

What is the French verb that means ""To declare war""? *Surrendre*

I think Bernie would win for sure if he had served in the military and reached the rank of Colonel And he would be sure to get the black vote.

A boy asks his mom- ""Mom, why do the best people die?"" Mom: ""When you're in a garden, which flowers do you pick?"" Boy: ""The most beautiful ones"" Mom: ""What does that tell you?"" Boy: ""Heaven ain't buildin no fugly reject army""

Bombs & Berries So during World War 2 it was super cold in Nazi Germany. The American troops were told if they were ever in a rough situation, to look for frozen squirrls at the base of trees, and place the frozen squirrl between their thighs to warm it up; The squirls would be so gratefull for the rescue, they would scurry off and find some of it's little squirly stashed food, and share it with the rescuer. A news reporter recently interviewd surviving veterans, and one told his story. ""We…

What's a bodybuilder's favorite fight of the American Civil War? The Battle of Gaine's Mill

Belorussian Navy Gorbachev received a letter from the Belorussian Republic requesting approval for a new navy. He was quite puzzled, as the Republic was landlocked and didn't even have a decent lake, and queried the request. The reply soon came, ""Uzbekistan has a Ministry of Culture, so why do we have a Navy?

Pirate captain's red shirt. A man wanted to become a pirate so he joined a crew. Over time he ended up becoming first mate under an infamous captain. One evening a rival ship issued a challenge. The captain asked his first mate to grab his red shirt. He grabbed the shirt and they fought their rival and won. The next day two ships issued a challenge. The captain asked his first mate to grab his red shirt, they fought and won. A couple of days later five ships challenged this captain. He again ask…

Please don't joke about the holocaust, my grandfather died at Auschwitz He had everything taken away from him. He was a lawyer, then they didn't let Jews practice laws, so he packed shells full of explosive powder for 12 hours a day, then he was sent to the camps where he dug holes until a guard shot him for no reason. He was exterminated. That guard was never tried and ended up being a dentist in Stuttgart after the war.

I'm joining a cold war reenactment group. We get together on weekends and hide under desks.

A Roman soldier meets another soldier on the road ""Excuse me"" the first soldier asks ""have you crossed Jesus anywhere, by any chance?""

So Donald Trump is considered a radical in his own country, he is considered ""crazy"" by many, he hates people considered minorities to his country, has become immensely notable in the past year, and is enthusiastically trying to start a war between America and the Middle East. Oh my god, Donald Trump is White ISIS.

American Soldier An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, ""Please, ma'am, may I sit in t…

What did one Viking war paint say to the other? Poly, you're a Thane.

The Year is 1973... and the big one hits, Nuclear War. So the two most powerful nations on Earth hellbent on each other's destruction fire their nukes at each other and each other's allies... Anyway, during their flight a Soviet missile and an American missile cross each others path, and they decide to stop and stay for a while before the world ends. so they stay and drink and joke and have a jolly good time. By the end of the day the American missile is drunk and says, ""You know... we should g…

If Bernie gets elected we should give him an honorary military rank. Colonel sounds right to me.

Why british wete at war with nazi germany? Because they couldnt afford another Aryans stealing their tea.

What did Germany say to Britain during World War II? I'd luft to waffe a few bombs in your direction.

What does electron and proton say when they go to war? Chaaaarge!!

why send male soldiers into war women on there period is good enough