New Mexico Jokes

I've heard of sleepwalking on Ambien but the cabbie dropped me off and seems I flew to New Mexico, got peyote, ate a burrito, and flew back.

If Trump wins, I think I may know what will happen to New Mexico [Removed]

Bombs & Berries So during World War 2 it was super cold in Nazi Germany. The American troops were told if they were ever in a rough situation, to look for frozen squirrls at the base of trees, and place the frozen squirrl between their thighs to warm it up; The squirls would be so gratefull for the rescue, they would scurry off and find some of it's little squirly stashed food, and share it with the rescuer. A news reporter recently interviewd surviving veterans, and one told his story. ""We…

What do you call a gay town in New Mexico? Albuqueerque.

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man... Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home. My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:""Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets."" The headline referred to it as a ""massive weapons cache."" By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds of ammo would be called ""mentally unstable."" Just imagi…

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital) and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and as the groggy man regained consciousness he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed. ""Mr. Smith you're going to be just fine"" said the nun gently patting his hand. ""We do need to know however how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"" ""No I'm not"" the man whispered hoarsely. ""Then can you pay in cash?"" per…

What is the most common educational degree in New Mexico? Kindergarten dropout.

New Mexico Chili Cook-off NEW MEXICO CHILI COOK OFF If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico. For those of you who have lived in New Mexico, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chil…

A mailman notices an unusual piece of mail from the US Navy Norfolk, VA A mailman goes on his usual route to pick up the mail from the Navy base. He briefly glances over all the letters to make sure they have the proper postage. One piece of mail stuck out in his mind for a second as it has a blue Dharmachara Buddhist wheel symbol on it. Thinking nothing more of it he puts all of the letters in his bag. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-g…

A husband and wife on a holiday were driving through New Mexico. As they approached Albuquerque, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name of the city. The husband thought it was pronounced like Albu-que-que, while the wife thought it was pronounced like Albu-kway-kway. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband said to the restaurant worker, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Can you please pronounce the name of the p…

Memory A tourist was introduced to a Native American Indian in New Mexico who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptical, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943? " The Indian answered, "Eggs. " The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "Thirteen years later the traveler's train stopped again in the small New Mexico town, and he saw the same Indian sitting on the train platform. The tourist went up and said jovially, "How! " The Indian…

If Trump wins I think I may know what will happen to New Mexico

Where do the gays in New Mexico live? Santa FE GUURLL!!!!

Why is it so windy in Texas? because New Mexico blows and Oklahoma sucks

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road in New Mexico. The letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big letters on the side of the craft. Two bug-eyed aliens stepped out and while the gas station manager stood paralysed with shock, his young blonde assistant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the aliens as they took off again. As they disappeared into the sky, the station manager turned to the blonde and said: "Don't you realize what just happened?" "Yeah," replied the…