Southern California Jokes

Virgins in Paradise? Suck my balls, Al Qaeda; I got a jacuzzi full of sluts right here in Southern California.

A $20 bill and a $1 bill meet in a bank. The $1 bill asks, ""You look well traveled, where have you been since you were printed?"" ""Oh, I've been all over the place. I spent some time in Vegas hitting the blackjack tables and buying expensive drinks, then I traveled through Southern California visiting the fanciest restaurants I could find, went on several cruises around the world, and now I've ended up here. You look well traveled yourself, where have you been?"" ""Oh I've been all over the pl…

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man... Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home. My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:""Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets."" The headline referred to it as a ""massive weapons cache."" By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds of ammo would be called ""mentally unstable."" Just imagi…

I was on Jeopardy and blew it… Everything was going well until the end of Double Jeopardy. I picked “North American Herbivores”for $1200. Hit a Daily Double, and bet almost all the money I had. “This is commonly found in the feces of the Southern California Black-Tailed Jackrabbit.” Thinking I knew a thing or two, I confidently said “What are Cloves?” Apparently I don’t know Jack Shit.

True Story Yesterday would have been my stepfather Tom's 75th birthday. To commemorate the occasion, I give you this story. Back in 2006, I was prepping to relocate from Nebraska back to Southern California, and this meant lots of phone calls between me and my mother. One Friday evening, I called her up, and I could hear some background noise. I asked where she was... Mom: Oh, Tom and I are at El Pollo Loco. We're getting some fish tacos for dinner. (It was Lent - Ed.) Me: Y'know, I've alway…

What do the woman from southern California and the clouds over the Pacific coast have in commen? They're both Marine layers