First Soldier Jokes

A Unit With a Reputation A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides he needs to go and check them out. After reviewing the troops on parade he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren't at parade. The general gets to the first soldier and barks at him ""Why are you here?"" ""Hemorrhoid's Sir!"" ""And how are you treating it?"" ""Wire brush and disinfectant Sir!"" ""And what's your goal in li…

A general inspecting the troops A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides he needs to go and check them out. After reviewing the troops on parade he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren't at parade. The general gets to the first soldier and barks at him ""Why are you here?"" ""Hemorrhoid's Sir!"" ""And how are you treating it?"" ""Wire brush and disinfectant Sir!"" ""And what's your goa…

Three soldiers are in a hot air balloon, riding over a town with a mountain in the distance. As the mountain approaches, the sudden realization hits that they will not clear mountain. In a last-ditch effort, they try to throw out everything they can. The first soldier throws out their weapons, swords and such. Seeing as that wasn't enough, the second soldier throws out their boxes of food rations. Still not enough, the last soldier throws out a bomb, which was critical for their mission, but as …

A Roman soldier meets another soldier on the road ""Excuse me"" the first soldier asks ""have you crossed Jesus anywhere, by any chance?""

Two mexican soldiers are riding on their horses after a bloody battle... ...when one of them yells out ""viva la menstruacion!!"", and the other one, surprised, corrects him. "" it's viva la revolucion!"" to this the first soldier replies:"" it doesn't matter, let the blood run!!!""

3 Soldiers are training for the army 3 Soldier are training for the army when their Commander ask each one of them the same question : Commander : ""If you are being pursued by an helicopter and you are in the drivers seat of a Jeep, what do you do to escape the emminent attack ?"" The first soldier answers : ""Welp, I think I would hide under the Jeep."" Commander respond : ""Of course not ! They will shoot the Jeep and you'll blow up with it."" The second soldiers answers : ""I would drive the…

Falklands Heroes Three soldiers of the Falklands Conflict saved their battalion from a minefield, and their commanding officer decided to reward them. They were waiting for their CO in his office in London when he strolled in. ""Well chaps, since this wasn't officially a war I can't give you any medals. So, I will measure the distance between any two points of your body, and give you five times that measurement in Pounds Sterling."" The first soldier decided almost immediately. ""I'll measure fr…

A British General and his Men A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office. “Since we weren’t actually at war,” the General starts, “I can’t give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What the Government has decided to do is to…

First soldier : “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier : “No way, Jose!” First soldier : “Why not?” Second soldier : “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”

First Soldier: "What made you go into the army?" Second Soldier: "I had no wife and I loved war. What about you?" First Soldier: "Well, I had a wife and loved peace!"