France Jokes

Miss France just won Miss Universe The French finally won something.

Mike: I'm really glad I wasn't born in France. Jim: Why? Mike: I can't speak French.

How many eggs do the French use in their omelettes? Just one, because in France one egg is un oeuf.

Brexit, for France AdiEU

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker are capured by cannibals... The cannibal leader says, ""We're gonna skin you, eat you, and use your skin for our canoes. However, you get to choose how you die."" He gestures at a huge chest full of weapons. He points at the Englishman. ""You're first."" The Englishman, tears rolling down his face, pulls out a gun from the box, and shoots himself in the head, saying, ""God save the Queen."" The Frenchman is next. He walks over to the chest and pulls o…

Why do most French recipes require only one egg? In France, one egg is *un oeuf*

Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French? Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum. But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.

A plane is going down and the only way to save it is for some people to jump. So the stewardess upon instructions from the pilot picks several random people to be sacrificial lambs; a Briton, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and an American. The Briton opens the door and with the scream ""God save the Queen"" jumps from the plane. The Frenchman says ""Vive la France"" and jumps. The American says, ""Make America Great Again"" and pushes the Mexican out.

Viva la A Frenchman, a Mexican, and a Texan are sitting on a bridge drinking their drinks of choice. Suddenly the Frenchman throws his bottle of wine into the air and shoots it yelling, ""viva la France!"" The Mexican follows his example and throws his bottle of Tequila up and shoots it yelling, ""viva la Mexico"" the Texan looks at the other two then looks at his bottle on Tennessee whiskey and sets is down on the bridge. The Texan then grabs the Mexican and throws him of the bridge and shoots …

A Frenchman, a Cuban, and a Texan are seated together on a plane... The pilot announces an engine failure in their small commuter craft. Shortly after, the second engine fails. The pilot, in an attempt to drop dead weight instructs all luggage and passenger items to be thrown overboard. It isn't enough, they're not gonna be able to glide to safety. The pilot calls for a few brave souls to make a sacrifice for the greater good. The Frenchman stands stall and shouts ""Vive la France!"" before jump…

France and Italy declare war... France surrenders and Italy switches sides. Both countries lose.

Why do credit cards not work in France? They don't understand the concept of charging.

The US President, French President, and Brazilian President are in an airplane... The French president sticks is arm out of a window in the airplane and says, ""We're flying over France."" The other two presidents ask him how he knows this. He responds with, ""I just touched the Eiffel Tower."" A little while later, the US president sticks his arm out of the window and says, ""We're flying over the United States."" The other two presidents ask him how he knows this. He responds with, ""I just to…

A competition between France, England, and Mexico There was to be a contest between 3 countries to see who has the largest gorilla. France was up first, so the Prime Minister went up to the podium and told the audience, ""Our Gorilla is so big, when it raises its arms, he can touch airplanes in the sky. The crowd amazed, thinking no country could top that, was ready to hear England. The Prime Minister of England said, ""Our gorilla is so enormous, that when he raises his arms, he can touch the p…

Why will Belgium go to war? *This is a joke my dutch grandfather told me, the dutch make fun of Belgians* Why will Belgium go to war with the Netherlands in 50 years? Because that's when they understand the Belgian jokes they make about them. Why will Belgium go to war with France in 50 years? They can't find the Netherlands.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American, and a Mexican are on a plane... ...when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down. The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one chute left, and quickly do the math. The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says ""God save the Queen!"" and jumps from the plane. The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says ""Vive la France!"" and jumps to hi…

A farmer in France sees a foreigner bending down next to the river. The foreigner leans over and voraciously scoops up water from the river to drink using his right hand. He gulps down the water hungrily, much to the farmer's shock. The farmer runs over to the foreigner and tries to warns him in French: ""Monsieur, ce n'est pas sain! Mes animaux pisse et merde dans cette riviere."" (Sir, that's not healthy! My animals piss and shit in that river.) The man stands up and looks at the farmer and sa…

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other France surrenders Italy changes sides Both lose

Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France? All that was left was da brie.

Did you hear about the man who jumped into a river in France. He was in Seine.../He was never Seine again...

My friend and I had this never-ending argument in a swimming pool in France Turned into a total piscine contest

After being robbed in Paris Kim Kardashian has been silent, Kanye cancelled concerts, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians filming has been suspended...... Best gift from France ever!!!

My favorite French Army Jokes **Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?** To see the battle **Why do French tanks have 6 gears?** 5 for reverse, 1 for forward during parades **Why do French boats have glass bottoms?** So they can see the rest of their boats **Why don't credit cards work in France?** They don't know how to say ""CHARGE"" **What do you call a French man killed defending his country?** I don't know, it never happened. **France decided they would change their flag to be more sui…

Quasimodo's had it. Sixty years climbing the steps. Sixty years ringing the bell. He's ready to retire, get a little house in the country for him and the little lady. Puts an ad on Craigslist ""Bell ringer wanted. Inquire Quasimodo, Notre Dame."" Next day, there's a knock at the door. Quasi opens it, looks out, there's no one there. Then he hears a voice coming from somewhere down around his knees: ""Excuse me, sir. Are you Mr. Quasimodo?"" Quasimodo looks down, there's a guy with no arms and no…

An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon... When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says I'm giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.' He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket. The Frenchman and the Afghani man think giving things to their countries is a wonderful idea. They set course for France where the Frenchma…