France Jokes

I tried to play counter strike the other day It felt like a France simulator, I kept getting shot by terrorists

Don't you guys think that Team America: World Police predicted the terrorist attack in france?

A man is trying to Join ISIS. A man is trying to join ISIS. After finding his way to the recruiter, he is asked a few questions. recruiter: ""What do you believe?"" man: ""Whatever you believe"" ""We will need to work on that. What do you know how to do?"" ""I can make instant noodles and play First Person Shooters well"" ""Ok. Would you prefer to commit suicide to kill hundreds of people, or get shot to save somebody important?"" ""I would like to live, if it is all the same to you?"" ""Of cour…

My uncle was killed during the attacks on France.... He blew himself up.

""Too soon"" joke? Did you hear about that International France Futball game last night? I heard it was the bomb.

France beat the Germans 2-0 but the terrorists have them at like 50-3

Saudi Arabia about the paris attacks- Lol Saudi Arabia: The ""heinous"" Paris attacks are a violation of all religions and underline the need to intensify efforts against ""terrorism,"" Saudi Arabia's foreign minister said Saturday. ""I wanted to express our condolences to the government and people of France for the heinous terrorist attacks that took place yesterday which are in violation and contravention of all ethics, morals and religions,"" Adel al-Jubeir told reporters in Vienna. ""The kin…

France vs Germany was a close game... it ended in a shootout.

I went to France yesterday to see a soccer match... I had a blast!

What do they call fat chicks in France? American tourists!

How do you know if you've fallen in love with an apple from France? Your heart goes ""pomme pomme ... pomme pomme ...""

Only France would name a city ""to lose.""

A Frenchman walls into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder... The bartender says, ""Where'd you get that?"" The parrot says, ""In France. They're everywhere!""

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane... ...when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says "" We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers ""God Save The Queen"" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers ""Viva La France"" …

Why do people in France have to eat frog legs that ""taste like chicken""? If they eat real chicken they'll be arrested for cannibalism. Edit: grammar

Amsterdam is like a tour de France - it's full of people on bikes and drugs. -- Heard this last weekend while visiting Amsterdam

What is a Pokemon's favourite place to go in France? Paras

Jean-Claude and Michelle are a couple living in France. One day, Jean-Claude comes home from work in the snail factory and his super hairy-legged girlfriend Michelle says: ""Jean-Claude, today ze light-bulb, it has gone out. You must change it for me."" And after guzzling a bottle of wine and reading a boring and absurdly incomprehensible novel about nothingness, Jean-Claude says, ""What am I? Ze Electricien?"" The next day, Jean-Claude comes home from work in his silly little car that has a hor…

France and Italy declare war on each other, who wins? Neither, Italy switches sides and France surrenders, both lose

The BBC interviews a former pilot of the Dutch Free Air Forces from WWII . . . . . . So the Dutch guy starts telling a story: ""As we're flying over France, all of a sudden, 6 Fokkers come out of nowhere. I engage on a Fokker, and shoot him down. Then I line up behind another Fokker and shoot him down too. The other guys in my squadron shoot down the other four Fokkers."" BBC Interviewer: "" I believe my guest is referring to the Focke-Wulf Fw 190 aeroplane."" Dutch guy: ""No. These Fokker's wer…

Just some racist jokes **What happens if all Americans jumped and landed at the same time?** The planet will shatter under the shitload of obese people **How can you tell if something's fake?** If it's from China **Francium is known to disappear quickly, but why is it named after France?** Because it disappears just as quickly as the French disappears from the battlefield

The three American Marines that helped thwart the Terrorist Attack in France did something than no Frenchman ever has. Received Frances Highest Honor...

A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66 Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much worse) names. As an extremely goth kid, he had the full goth getup. Black hair, eyeliner, weird piercings, ripped jeans, you get the picture. But …

The president of France, USA and Brazil are in a plane The french president puts his arm out of the window and say, ""We are in France!"". ""How do you know?"" the others president asked. ""I just touched the Eiffel tower!"".   So a little time later the president of the United States puts his hand out of the window and say ""Well, i can confirm that we are in America!"". ""How?"" the others asked. ""I just touched the statue of liberty!"".   Some hours later the president of B…

Historically speaking, tanning under the sun first began in France during the bronzage.