France Jokes

What do you call hot women in France? Tourists

What do you call a gay doctor who went to college in France, married an Irishwoman and practiced medicine in Italy? A Fag

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France? If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

Francois Francois, ze Great French Aviator A woman goes to a lounge in France, where she is approached by a tall, well-dressed, dashing man. ""I am Francois Francois, ze Great French Aviator,"" he says, ""and I want to make love to you."" ""Yes,"" the woman replies, ""take me to your apartment."" At Francois' apartment, the two undress. Francois brings a brick of butter, a bottle of syrup, and a bottle of scotch to the bedside table. He unwraps the butter and begins to spread it on the woman's b…

Who won the first Tour de France? I don't know his name, but I know he was in a German tank.

""I'm going to France next summer."" ""Oh, really?"" ""No, De Gaulle.""

Why did France run out of painkillers? because Paris ate 'em all

A Frenchman comes to America and says ""Hi, I'm from France"" to an American, The American says ""European!"" to which the frenchman replies ""No, you're a peon!""

Puns I have constructed in the past few days. I'm gonna go to the dentist again. I just couldn't get my filling! I told a cube to start rolling. Basically, I told it to die. A chemist joined a bike race. I think the race was called, ""Torr de France"" Our ships had to be downgraded, so the General Quarters became the General Nickels. I've never met a serious game designer, they're all too busy making fun of things. A mathematician ties a hemp rope and throws it up a tree. He called it a hypotenu…

I found out today that French fries were weren't created in France. They were created in Greece.

The March of the Number Line Why was 10 afraid? Because it's in the middle of 9/11. 10 has since moved past that, but now 10 is afraid of 7. Why? Because seven ate nine. Now that 9 is out of the way and 8 (having the only pair of working handcuffs) is dealing with 7, 10 is no longer afraid, but 6 is. Why you ask? Because 5 is a registered 6 offender. 4 is also in for a bit of trouble on its trip to France. After all, un deux, trois, cat sank. So now that 9 has been eaten, 10 has gone into protec…

What's the best way to get the aristocracy out of France? A chopper

""The Four Businessmen"" Four businessmen walk onto a train: one from China, one from France, one from Mexico, and one from the United States. They all sit together in a room with an open window and begin unpacking their lunches. The Frenchman eats half of his croissant and tosses the remainder of it out the window. The others ask ""Why did you do that?"" And the Frenchman says ""I have enough of those where I come from."" The Chinaman eats half of an eggroll and tosses the remainder of it out t…

Just retelling an old joke I heard a long time ago There were 3 people from 3 different areas (either from different cities, or from different countries, from memory). They were faced with some sort of question, or faced a relatively common situation, or something. The first two (who were from a similar area to where I am from) answered or acted in a quite sensible and generally acceptable way. The third one (from a different geographical area) answered in quite a foolish way and his (or her) an…

A British man, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and an American are flying in a small plane oven an ocean. ...And in the middle of their flight, the pilot announces that the plane is losing fuel to a leak, and all unnecessary luggage must be thrown from the plane. Despite this effort, the fuel leak worsens, and the pilot realizes the plane cannot reach land with its current weight. He tells his passengers that one of them must bail out to save the others. The Frenchman volunteers, and declares as he jump…

A joke my mother told me. A groundskeeper in France was sweeping the driveway to an apartment building in Paris. *Sweep* *Sweep*. *Sweep Sweep*. So it went for about an hour, with regularity. *Sweep Sweep*. *Sweep Sweep*. Suddenly he came to a spot with a very annoying patch of dirt. In an attempt to get it off he began to use more force and speed. *Sweepsweepsweepsweepsweepsweep* Suddenly above him he hears a window slide open, and a man sticks his head out and shouts: ""Monsieur, you're messin…

A English man, a French man and an American man are exploring the Amazon Forest. Suddenly, a tribe of people appear from behind some bushes. ""You are on our sacred land."" the leader says. ""According to tradition, we have to skin you alive and turn you into a canoe, but that's a little too morbid. Instead, you can decide how you want to die."" The English man says, give me a gun. The French man says, give me some poison. The American man says, give me a fork. The English man says ""Long live t…

Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast? In France, one egg is un oeuf

Which street in France do reindeer live on? Rue Dolph

French People and France When god created France it was beautiful, and great. The rest of the world was so jeaulous...so to make it equal god created French People.

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian are walking along... ...and the American is getting bored. Suddenly, he pulls out a bottle of bourbon, cracks it open, takes a swig, tosses the bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blasts it into smithereens. The Canadian is shocked. ""What the hell?!"" he asks. ""You just wasted some perfectly good booze!"" The American shrugs. ""We've got plenty of bourbon down south."" The Frenchman, not to be outdone, produces a bottle of Champagne. He removes t…

What do you call someone obsessed with France A ouiaboo

Paris Jokes I have had these jokes since the beginning of the Paris attacks Why are the French so bright? Because they were lit up Some French people wondered what was the thing headed strait for them then it hit them Looks like they had a blast Man these French people are everywhere now When I heard about the Paris attacks I was blown away The pope is going to visit France as the people are now holey

Some terrorists are flying over France, what do they do? They go parachuting.

A small passenger blimp is going down... A small passenger blimp is going down and has no place to land safely. In attempt to keep to in the air long enough to land, its cargo is dumped. The blimp is still going down, however, and through quick calculations it is realised that four average-weighted passengers would need to sacrifice themselves for the rest of the people on board. And so, a British man goes over to the door. ""Long live the Queen!"" he says. Then he jumps. Next, a French man goes…