France Jokes

FBI offers to help France investigate the terrorist attacks. So far, they think North Korea is behind it.

Santa's Dilemma! It had been a strange and rough winter at the North Pole. There wasn't much snow but plenty of ice and rain. During the month of December, Santa always begins to make sure his flying team is ready for the speedy night trip on the eve of Christmas. Due to the weather, it was very rough going. Now, you should know, it doesn't ever take all eight reindeer of them to pull the sleigh, but it helped share the load. One could very well be enough, as they are magic. Something you may n…

Wet weather, no sleigh ride together! It had been a strange and rough winter at the North Pole. There wasn't much snow but plenty of ice and rain. During the month of December, Santa always begins to make sure his flying team is ready for the speedy night trip on the eve of Christmas. Due to the weather, it had been very rough going. It didn't ever take all eight of them to pull the sleigh, but it helped share the load. One could very well be enough, as they are magic. Now, something you may no…

Is your refrigerator running? ...must've been made in France

Englishman, Frenchman and New Yorker Meet The Cannibals Oldie but goodie An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker are out exploring, and they're captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals says ""We're going to eat you now, because we're cannibals and that's what we do. But we're not savages like we used to be, so we're not going to torture you for three days first...in fact, you can kill yourselves any way you like, we don't care."" The explorers all look rather crestfallen at this new…

Mr Connor took his daughter, Anna, to a Vietnamese church.... ....in the hopes of getting her to stop her rebellious teenage shenanigans. Anna obviously resistant, warned him beforehand that she'll go to the church, but she doesn't want to attend the church habitually. Mr Connor agreed with Anna, hoping the one visit will be enough. At the front of the church they were met by a Vietnamese nun named Banh Hanh. ""She drinks, she smokes and she takes drugs! Is there anyway in which the church can h…

Bavarian cream pie (from comedians in cars getting coffee) A soldier in World War II is in Germany at the end of the war and eats a piece of bavarian cream pie at a cafe. It's the best thing he's ever tasted. He goes on about his life. Gets married, has a family, raises children, retires. His wife dies. He gets diagnosed with cancer. He has a few months to live. He's accomplished everything in life, and his only desire is to have one more piece of that bavarian cream pie. So he books passage on …

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a New Yorker are walking through the Amazon. An Englishman, a Frenchman and a New Yorker are walking through the Amazon, when suddenly they are surrounded by bloodthirsty cannibals. The tribe leader approaches them and says, ""Gentlemen, I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is we're going to kill you, gut you, and turn your hides into canoes. The good news is you can choose whichever way you wish to die."" The Englishman thinks for a moment then says,…

""Going to a job interview? Wear a beret..."" ""A beret?"" ""Yeah. They've been statistically proven to help you get a job by a million percent."" ""Right...and who did this study?"" ""....France.""

What street in France do reindeer live on? Rue Dolph

Why are there no bungalows in France? Because the French have many flaws

A girl calls a psychic saying: *""I dreamed that I had one leg in Spain & the other in Germany. What does that mean?""* Psychic: *""That you gonna pee on France""* -------- ^Francais, ^je ^vous ^aime ^Edit: ^Qrammar

Hey guys What do you think of my jokes! My girlfriend asked me to treat her like a princess in France. I said ok but im not crashing the car. 11<<

Clever son! Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy? Son: I love you both. Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to? Son: Japan. Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me? Son: No, I just want to visit Japan. Father: Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to? Son: France. Father: See? Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan! :D

Joke stolen from West Wing Why do they eat only one egg at breakfast in France? Because one egg is *un uf*.

Geek Joke If you look at the history of Europe, you'll note that Germany has invaded France a number of times. It has been speculated that because the Franks originally came from Germany, the Germans are simply trying to get their own back. You could say the same about Italy invading France, since it was once a Roman Provence. But that would take a lot of Gaul.

The French are such nice people. (would have been funnier a few decades ago) Do you know why all of the streets in France are lined with trees? The Germans like marching in the shade.

Two friends are disscussing... ""Who do you think is the biggest figure in the last 100 years?"" ""Definitely that Armstrong guy."" ""Why?"" ""Why are you even asking? Playing the trumpet like a champ, landing on the Moon and winning tour de France is not big enough for you?""

This happened to an Englishman in France who was quite drunk The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after. Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to perform a breath test on him and asks the Englishman…

Jaque' ""non numeru un"" flying ace! Come and I will tell you of a man named Jaque' ""mon numeru un flying ace"". He was the greatest ace pilot in all of France. He spoke of a woman he once wooed, saying: ""I took this woman to my quarters and placed her on my bed. I tore her blouse open exposing her beautiful breast. Then I poured white wine all over them and shoved my face into them. And she screamed."" ""Jaque'! Your a mad man!"" And he said. ""No! I am Jaque' mon numeru un flying ace and whe…

A german teenager plans a trip to Paris. One day, before the trip, he visits his grandfather, where he mentions his plan. ""Ach, Paris!"" - he replies - ""I've been there once! Wonderful city!"" ""Really? Can you tell me some good places to visit?"" ""Sure I can! There is a small street, more like an alley, right next to the Eiffel Tower. There is this amazing restaurant! The best french dishes are served there. And the best part: it's free for germans!"" ""I never thought that! I must check it …

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Mexican and a Texan are all in a plane... The flight seems to be going fine, until the pilot comes over the loudspeaker and says ""Gentleman, we seem to be too heavy, and we're losing altitude quickly. We need someone to grab a parachute and jump out of the plane."" And so, the Englishman stands up and volunteers to jump out of the plane. He grabs his parachute, yells ""Long live the Queen!"" and jumps out of the plane. About an hour later, the pilot again comes ove…

What does a neckbeard eat when he is in a Mcdonalds in France? Le Big Mac

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese shop in France? The area was covered in De Brie...

Cat Race In a competitive but fun way to decide which nation was better, Britain and France decided to have a cat race. The French cat was called un deux trois, and the British cat called one two three. Whichever cat made it across the British channel first would win and by doing so would crown their nation superior to the other. Well, the race started out fairly slowly, but soon things picked up. One two three cat was very fast and easily made it across the channel first, winning the race. Unfo…