France Jokes

Four mid-life friends meet up once a year. This year they decide to meet in the bar that was once their local for an evening of drinking and catching up. Jack heads to the bar to get the first round in. Steve A starts the conversation. ""So hows the family guys? My son is doing quite well, airline pilot! The other day he took his new squeeze to Jamaica, his third holiday in 3 months.."" Steve B leans in and scoffs at the idea. ""My lad is in banking. Just bought his other half a yacht. Planning …

Donald Trump gets on a train with 3 well respected leaders of carious countries. The French President, the Columbian President, the Mexican President, and an American named Donald Trump are riding in a train discussing their country's futures. Trying to out do each other, the Columbian President takes out a kilo of 100% pure Cocaine gets a tiny spoon full, takes a sniff and throws it out the window. ""Le Dio Una Mano!"", exclaims the Columbian President. Astounded, the others in the group ask wh…

An airplane is flying along... Carrying 2 mexicans, a frenchman and a texan. An engine goes out and the pilot says they have to lose 500lbs or they're all going to die. One of the mexicans stands up, says ""Viva Mexico!"", and jumps out of the plane. Then the frenchman, ""Vive la France!"", and jumps out behind him. Next the texan stands up, grabs the remaining mexican, tosses him out the door and says ""Remember the Alamo!"".

a great joke I was told by a watersports instructor in france This guy has loved tractors all his life and devoted his life to them. He loves tractors so much that on his 18th birthday he buys himself a tractor and drives it around everyday working on a farm. Then on his 19th birthday his parents buy him a tractor birthday cake and he says to his parents ""why did you buy me this? I hate tractors now ever since I hurt my leg falling off one yesterday"" So he quit his job on the farm and on the w…

A guy in France is sent by his wife to buy a dozen snails at the market... His wife warns him ""I don't want you to stop at the bar on your way home! I want you to go to the market, buy the snails and then come straight home just after. You always find an excuse to get drunk, not this time if you know what's good for you!"" The guy agrees, takes his basket and goes to the market. On his way home, he passes in front of the bar. What the hell, he thinks, if I just take one drink the wife will neve…

An American, a French, and a Mexican are on a plane The American places his hand outside of the plane and exclaims,""We are in America!"". The others, confused, ask him how he knows this. ""I felt the Statue of Liberty."", he replies. Later, the French yells,"" We are in France!"". The American and the Mexican, perplexed, ask him how he knows. ""I touched the Eiffel Tower."" A while later, the Mexican says,""We are in Mexico"", a little annoyed. The others ask him what he felt. ""Nothing, but th…

The first Olympic sailing results are in England has taken gold, France has taken silver and Somalia has taken the boat.

Why are socially-aware western tourists avoiding Nice, France for their late-summer getaways? All that Muslim hatred can really run you down.

What did France say to Turkey? That's not nice.

Did you hear about the terrorist attack in France last night? The police say the guy was not motivated, but other than that, all they know is that he wasn't very Nice

Tell me what just happened in France! ...Oh, Nice!

If history is written by the victors Then who wrote the history of France ?

What happened in France? Did they release a GTA Go?

France is a shitty country... Even the Nice parts are rundown.

A Brit, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker crash on a small island After wandering around for a bit, a group of natives find them. The chief says to them, ""we are cannibals and we are going to boil your bones, eat your meat, and then use your skin to make canoes. However, because you have done nothing to us, we are going to let you choose how you want to die. The Brit asks for a gun, and putting it to his head he declares, ""God save the Queen!"" before pulling the trigger. The Frenchman asks for a …

America is still a British colony In England we speak English In France we speak French In Germany we speak German In China we speak Chinese In America we speak English *drops mic and leaves*

Why did France really surrender to Germany? *Hitler was being Vichy.* [Just thought of this earlier in the shower... Had gas ever since.]

why do people keep putting flag overlays on their avatar when tragedies happen? like i've seen it happen with france, brussels, gay marriage

A man and a woman from france come to america... So a couple from france came to america, only knowing a little bit of english. The lady tells her husband to try to learn english. He ends up at the airport and hears someone say the word takeoff! After there he found himself at the zoo where he heard someone talking about the zebras. Later he went back home, and the woman asks him, so what did you learn today? ... takeoff, zebra!

Two American soldiers have taken cover in a foxhole during an offensive in France during ww2. The enemy fire power is fierce, and they are unable to advance or retreat. Shells are zinging past them like wasps, and errant ricochets unnerve them. Mortar shells explode all around and the two men are sweating lest a shell might land atop of them. As the evening wears on and nerves become frazzled in the stifling heat, one of the men confides that he has to go to the bathroom really bad. ""Number 1 o…

My Socials Teacher just posted this long Potato Pun A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, And finally they got married, and had a little sweet Potato, which they Called 'Yam.' Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots Yam said not to worry, no…

A Scotsman walks into a bar usually he is with an Englishman, an Irishman and a Welshman but they are all in France for the Euros.

An Englishman, Frenchman and American are caught by a tribe of Cannibals.... And cannot escape. They do however get to chose the method of their deaths. the American goes first, surrounded by the tribe, his friends tied up watching, he asks for his shotgun and one shell. He declares ""Long live the dollar and the American way!"" And puts the muzzle up under his chin and BANG! he's dead. The tribe wast no time and descend onto his corpse, quickly flaying his skin off and separating the meat from …

Lance Armstrong interviewed before a competition - How do you feel about the upcoming Tour de France? - I'm gonna give 110%

It is 1538 and the Dissolution of Monasteries by King Henry VIII is in progress... having broken away from the Catholic church, Henry had angered many adherents both domestic and abroad, and sought to shut down any institutions that swore their allegiance to the Catholic church before he had a revolt on his hands. He attempted to completely squash all churches, monasteries and friaries that remained devoutly Catholic. While for most he could simply cut off their ability to function by seizing th…