France Jokes

Pastor and the Housekeeper In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper. One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper. After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest t…

A German got pulled over by the police in France. Police officer: ""Name?"" German: ""Heinrich Klimt"" Police officer: ""Age?"" German: ""31"" Police officer: ""occupation?"" German: ""No, no. Just visiting""

I had a very confusing time when I tried to buy a Wii in France.

Tomorrow France plays Germany... Their defense will try to last 90 minutes and beat their World War 2 record...

France FINALLY won a war! Too bad it was against Lance Armstrong.

Just updated my resume. Hobbies section now includes: ""Currently tied with Lance Armstrong in Tour de France victories.""

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, ""The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you, and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."" The Frenchman says, ""I take ze sword."" The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, ""Vive la France!"" and stabs himself to death. The Englishman says, ""a pist…

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Who ruled France until he exploded? Napoleon Blownapart!

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes. 6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. 7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 9. With her marriage she got a new name …

The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: ""We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow"".

Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client; You've got to love this lawyer...... A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client.…

In 1957, several cities were vying to host the 1964 Winter Olympics. Candidates had been eliminated to the point where the only two left were Singapore and Nevers, France. The French venue had an obvious advantage for the games, but the Singaporeans were eager to host the games in their country, so they developed a snow-making machine. Because of technical glitches, the machine produced snow only part of the time. The rest of the time it produced steam, and you can't ski on steam. So they made a…

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth, he decides on exactly what he will buy.He buys a 20 acre plot of land in Mexico and hires an architect. I want mi casa to be built right there, with big columns in front, and a marble foyer, and at the end of the hall I want a halo statue. The architect, excited aboutmaking mega bucks off this man, jots down exactly what the Mexican wants,I'll do it sir, I'll make this a fine house for you! All the …

For their 25th wedding anniversary a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane the wife turns to her husband and says ""This was the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our 50th anniversary!"" Her husband leaned over kissed her on the cheek and said ""I'm going to come back and get you""

Pierre was a camper from France. In his honour Jenny sang a French song in the talent show. But she didn't sing very well. 'Does that make you homesick?' someone asked Pierre. 'No' he answered. 'Just sick sick!'

How do we know that Joan of Arc was French ? She was maid in France !

Q: Where do you find 60 million french jokes? A: In France.

A long time ago Britain and France were at war. During one battle The French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters the French general began to question him. The French general asked ""Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"" In his bland English way the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot the blood won't show and th…

A boy from France comes to America. He wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns ""take off."" Then he learnes ""zebra"" from the zoo and ""baby"" from the hospital. Then he goes home and says ''Mommy I learned new words today.'' She says ""Great honey what did you learn?"" He says ''Takeoffzebrababy!''

A French guy an American guy and a Cuban guy are standing on a cliff. The French guy throws a case of fine wine off the cliff. ''Why did you do that?''asked the other men. ''We have plenty of fine wine in France'' said the man. Next the Cuban guy throws a box of fine cigars off the cliff. ''Why did you do that?'' asked the other men. ''We have plenty of cigars in Cuba'' said the Cuban man. Finally the American man pickes up the Cuban man and throw' him off the cliff. ''What did you do that for?…

A Frenchman an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says ""The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot cook you eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."" The Frenchman says ""I take ze sword."" The chief gives him a sword the Frenchman says ""Vive la France!"" and runs himself through. The Englishman says ""a pistol for me …

Three students from Michigan State the University of Kentucky and Texas A & M on summer vacation in France were caught smuggling cocaine and sentenced to death by guillotine. The judge turned to the boy from Michigan and asked ""Do you have any final words son?"" ""Yeah drop dead!"" snapped the Wolverine. Hearing this the judge signaled for the sentence to be carried out. The executioner pulled the lever and as the crowd gaped in astonishment the giant blade came to a screeching halt three in…

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said ""Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"" Her friend said ""O.K. then what's the capital of France?"" The blonde replied ""Oh that's so easy! F.""

An airplane was losing altitude over the Rocky Mountains. The pilot over the intercom said that the entire luggage needed to be thrown overboard if they were to survive. After all the luggage was thrown the plane was still going down so they asked for volunteers. A man from Paris went to the door and said ""Viva la France."" Next a preacher went to the door and said ""Lord forgive me for what I must do."" Finally a rich Texas cattle rancher said ""Well guess I got to do my part"" and he grabbed…