France Jokes

What do they call Independence Day in France? A Royale-free with cheese! (Happy [Bastille Day](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastille_Day)!)

The presidents of the United States, France, and Brazil are on a plane At one point, the president of the United States sticks his hand out the window and proclaims, ""We are flying over the US."" The others ask how he knows. ""Because I just touched the Statue of Liberty."" A while later, the president of France sticks his hand out the window and says, ""We are flying over France!"" The other two ask how he knows, to which he replies, ""Because I just touched the Eiffel Tower!"" Finally, hours …

My new housemate is French... My new housemate is French. Last night when he got home I said, ""Nice to know you're from France.. My favourite place is North of France, actually.."" ""Let me guess,"" he said, ""Lille.. Arras.. or maybe Côte d'Opale?.."" ""No, England."" I replied. Source: http://www.sickipedia.org/racism/french/my-new-housemate-is-french-last-night-when-he-got-1644723 #Sickipedia

If you are standing with one foot in France and one in Germany taking a piss, what are you? European

In the United States they say ""It's ten o'clock, do you know where your child is?""... In France they say ""It's ten o'clock, do you know where your spouse is?"" And in Poland they say ""It's ten o'clock, do you know what time it is?""

A frenchman,a texan, and a mexican are sitting on a bridge So the three men are sitting on a bridge when suddenly a genie appears and grants each of the men a wish. So the Frenchman says ""I wish i had a nice bottle of aged wine."" The Frenchman gets the bottle of wine,opens it, takes one swig and throws it off the bridge. The Texan and Mexican say ""Hey! what did you do that for?!"" and the Frenchman replies ""That bottle was nothing. Back in France there is plenty of wine. Its all over the pla…

An airliner is flying over the ocean, carrying representatives from the United Nations. About halfway across, they realize they don't have enough fuel. The pilot says they need to drop some weight because a lighter plane uses less fuel. So they dump all the luggage. The plane is still too heavy. They dump all the seats. Still too heavy. With nothing left to dump, and a deadly crash inevitable, an Englishman yells, ""God save the Queen!"" and jumps to his death. The plane is still too heavy. A Fr…

Dress to impress A buddy wanted to improve his relationship with his mother-in-law by ordering her a nice dress from France. Unfortunately, she woke up while he was measuring her with a ruler..

At the 2014 World Women's conference At the 2014 World Womens conference, the first speaker from Canada, stood up ""At last years conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband I would no longer cook for him, and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing change. After the second day I saw nothing change. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb"". The crowd st…

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France? Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance

What do they call Reddit in France? Ribbit

So a man thinks he's Napoleon Bonaparte, and he beats up this guy in the name of France. At the mental hospital they ask ""Do you really think You're Napoleon?"" He replies ""I don't think, I know!"" So they ask him ""then why did you hurt that man?"" And he says ""Because God told me to."" Meanwhile the man next to him yells "" No I didn't!""

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides. One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, this conflict involved three opposing sides, each one of them desperately wanting victory. However, as the war meandered on, i…

Cat Race So, England and France have a friendly contest to see which country is superior. They do this by having a cat race, in which the French cat, 'Un Duex Trois, and English cat 'One Two Three' will race across the channel. The race starts and One Two Three cat speeds across the water, easily winning. Unfortunately, Un Deux Trois cat sank.

I live in the United States. Upon taking some classes in France I notice a gorgeous bombshell pass me. I check her out hard. I guess you could say I was really studying a broad.

Philosophy Convention All the world's greatest philosophers are gathering in France for the largest philosophy convention ever. Socrates, Descartes, Kant, etc have all made their way to Paris and checked into their rooms. Aristotle's invitation was lost in the time-travel post office and he didn't get the invitation until much later. When he finally arrives, he asks the front desk for his room but, unfortunately, no rooms are available. Struck by this, Aristotle asks Socrates if he wouldn't mind…

What is the bounciest place in France? The dordogne.

Guy, who does not speak french went to France for a looong trip. On one night, in a bar, a lovely waitress hands him a paper towel with something written on it. Since he does not speak french, he asks english speaking bartender to translate it for him. Bartender reads the words on a paper and imediately has the guy thrown out of the bar. Shocked, the guy goes to the police station and demands explanation and an apology. When he gives the paper to the policemen to check, they imediatelly beat the…

A Joke Translated from French An elderly American couple is on holiday in France when the wife dies suddenly. The man is heart-broken but he knows that his wife, who loved France, would want to be buried there. He begins making arrangements to have her buried when he realises he has nothing to wear. He seeks out the hotel's concierge and, in broken French, explains that he needs to attend his wife's funeral and has nothing appropriate to wear. ""Ah, oui, monsieur,"" says the concierge knowingly.…

An American in France... An American in France limps into a doctor's office. The doctor runs over to the patient and asks, ""What happened!?"" The American responds, ""Ei ffel"".

Who was the winner of the first Tour De France? The Wehrmacht Tank division.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

A fighter pilot was shot down over France during WWII... A fighter pilot is shot down over France during WWII and is captured by the Germans. He's injured, so they have to amputate his leg. ""Hey, next time you guys are bombing England, can you drop it over my base?"" So they do it. The next week they have to cut off his other leg, and he makes the same request. The *next* week they have to cut off his arm, but this time he's denied. ""Nein! Zis ve cannot do anymore!"" ""Why not?"" ""Because ve …

Geography of a woman Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open. Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful. Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars. Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India or Sp…

Nick Kroll and Amy Poehler are moving to France to start a family... They want a house full of French Krollers.